Strains

Chapter 42

The next day isn't as awkward as I thought it might be. We're pretty good about ignoring the whole kissing situation. I like to think of it as impressive, you know, considering I was once certifiably crazy. I certainly feel it. Just the thought of me thinking Matthew and I could be a couple is insane. It was never anything I considered at Near Elysium, even if it weren't against Rule 127, so either it's the stress or I'm beginning to lose my mind again.

But maybe staring in the face of immortality does that to you.

Matthew orders in a fancy breakfast spread that we eat together. I doubt we'll be able to pull off staying in this hotel much longer, so it's finally time to talk about next steps.

"What do you think we should do after we leave here," I ask.

Matthew finishes his English muffin while he ponders the question.

"I'm not entirely sure. There are plenty of hotels here, so I can keep us off the street. But it's definitely no way to live."

He's right. Besides, I don't know how long Matthew would be able to do his psychic tricks before I started feeling bad about the whole thing. We got lucky with Mr. Moneybags being a grade-A dirtbag, but how many more would we be able to stumble upon?

"Can we really stay here? My picture might not have been in the paper, but someone might recognize me anyway," I say.

"So we leave? And go where?"

I couldn't think of a single place Topside that I would want to go. Matthew was more of a survivor than I was, he could make a life here somehow. But how would I?

"Do you think it's possible that we could make it back to Near Elysium?"

He drops his fork and it clatters onto the plate.

I know he's surprised, but I've actually given it a lot of thought. The reality is that neither of us has anything here except each other. What if he got fed up with me? We hardly know each other and yet we are staring at a much bigger commitment than marriage. How would I handle the passage of time? What if I lost my mind again? I could end up where everything, well, ended.

"You want to go back?"

I nod. "It's the only home I have left."

He frowns. "I know. I can see it in your eyes, just like all psychics when they lose their ties to Topside." He takes a sip of his orange juice. "There's just a few issues with going back. First off, you're the only one who can get us there. Second is that we've both been missing for a while, and the last thing we need is to go back with another thing for the council to be suspicious of."

"You could teach me to use my strain, can't you? And maybe no one has noticed yet, it's only been a day and a half."

He doesn't look like he's buying it.

"Come on, Matthew. There must be some way."

He looks at my left hand then out the window to the ocean view.

"If it is what you truly want, then just let me think about it."

He closes his eyes and puts his head back. He stays like that as I finish my breakfast and set the dishes outside our door for pick up.

I'm watching TV in the bedroom when a loud groan comes from where I left him. That's the first noise he's made in hours.

"Matthew, what's wrong?"

His hands are covering his face when I find him on the couch.

"We need that damn librarian."

"You want to explain why?"