Strains

Chapter 35

"I brought snacks," Caiden says, lifting a bag in his hands.

"I call first dibs."

He laughs and forks over the goods.

Since it's Saturday, we can actually hang out like this without a time limit. Not that I'd care if there was, but breaking the rules is easy with Matthew gone away from campus. He never came to check on me, or even punish me yesterday. I assume that unfinished business will have to wait until Monday.

I've brought books and paper in an attempt to study for next week's midterms, but I don't have a lot of hope they'll help. My books are scattered on top of Caiden's cloak, creating a literary barrier between us.

I pull out one of my favorite danishes and rip it from the wrapper. The icing melts over my tongue. With this rendezvous, I can finally eat my feelings.

"Do you think this will be enough to get you ready for midterms?"

I shake my head.

"I doubt anything will be," I shrug. Studying and focusing on midterms is the only thing keeping me semi-stable right now. Being with Caiden, who is completely ignorant of the goings on at campus also helps.

He nods. I lick the last bit of icing from my fingers and begin digging for another snack. Caiden has been pretty quiet these past few days. I thought it would get better if I visited him every day, but it hardly has. He seems so sad. I hate that I can't do anything to help, but everything I touch goes to shit anyway so it's probably best I don't get involved.

"You seem deep in thought," he says.

"I could say the same about you," I say, maybe too abrasively. "I just mean, you seem like something is weighing you down."

He shifts and looks over to the fresh-cut camellia blossom in his lap.

"I've just been thinking..."

"About Catherine?" I finish.

He nods. "I just, I can't shake this thought." I quit digging around the snack bag and move over to his side. I look into his eyes, hoping he'll say more. He sighs and drops his gaze sheepishly. "Maybe you weakened the portal when you got here. And if you got through it, maybe anyone could."

I slightly lean back. "You want to go back?"

"I just need to know if it's possible," he says.

"Oh."

"Once I'm sure, I can move on," he says slowly, taking my hand. "I'd appreciate it, if you were there with me."

I bite my lip. The portal might still be swarmed by the council. It's also way outside the academy grounds. Caiden's soft eyes bore into me, exposing his fragility like a baby bird. Who was I to deny him the chance to leave the nest he made for himself in the library? It would be better for everyone if he could move on from Catherine.

Even if it broke the rules.

But the rules only mattered if Matthew was around to enforce them. Which he is not.

"Alright. I'll go."

***

Caiden led the way through the forest, with me trailing behind, expecting Matthew to jump out at us at any moment. The walk was long because even though Caiden was trying to move on from his grudge, he was still committed to not stepping a single foot on campus.

He didn't even talk much. I suppose that's to be expected though. Every step we took was taking him closer and closer to being forced to accept the fate of his friend or lover. Whatever they were.