Never Is A Long Time

Chapter 9

ARE YOU A PART OF ME?

"I told you, I don't like it." Josh is kinda pissed to see his pictures being uploaded by Geska. But even though he doesn't like it, he can't really do anything because Geska is so hard about it. "Come on. I covered your face with a black bar."
"I know. But people will still recognize me." He's tired to talk about it with her over and over again, and it doesn't change her. "So you don't have any proud to dating me?"
"Geska, it doesn't like that. I mean, I'm just feeling that it's not necessary to share everything that we do all the time. We need some privacy."
"We're public figure. It's not the same like your ex that didn't really show herself on TV like me. But still, the media knew about her. Why I should cover myself from them then?" To be honest, he really hate the way she talk about Paige. It's not like Paige asked for publication, she tried her best to had her own privacy if it's not because of 'that incident" that made her to be a national issue for months. "Also, she dated John. You know what she did, right?"
"Geska, can you stop talking about Paige like that. She didn't ask for attention, both John and I know about it. So please stop." He stand up, leaves her room and her home for good. He can't stand her again and decided to hang out with the band.

"Flea, you're home?"
"Yeah. I'm home, with Anthony. I'm just about to call you. Me, Anthony and Chad will go to market. We'll buy some goods for students on my Conservatory." Hearing such a nice stuff, Josh finds his mood back. "Okay! Wait there. I'll take a cab."
"Josh! Wait. Tony just told me Chad can't come. So it's better that we pick you up. Hang on there."
"Alright then."

°°°°°°

"Dad! Would you like some cucumbers?" Deenah shout from the front gate to her dad at the kitchen. "You don't have to shouting at me darling, but yeah I want some."
"Okay. I'll be back on 40 minutes!" She put her shoes and her green hoodie that Zach gave her on her latest birthday. "Nice hoodie Dee!"
"Oh, his Mrs. Sanders. Zach gave me last week." She greets that friendly old woman across her house. "It suits your hair." She smiles to her and point at her hair. "Thanks Mrs. Sanders. Umm.. I will go to market, would you like something from there?"
"Ah, some apples if you don't mind."
"Okay! Some fresh apples for you." She smiles to her and then walk alone to the market.

°°°°°°

"See, I looked like shit there." Josh is showing his phone to Flea and Anthony, exposing the latest Instagram post on Geska's account. "Nah, you looked good. You just insecure. But... If you don't like it, why you let her to post it?" Anthony smirks and then turn his face to Josh. "I bet he's tired talking about that to her all the time." Flea answer his question and Josh nods. "That's right. I'm tired."
"Why you dated her then?" Anthony ask again and this time both Flea and Josh can't answer it. They know why. "What? No one answered?"
"Can we just focus on finding good apples?" Flea quickly turn down the conversation. Then he leads them, Anthony and Josh behind him. There's a lot of people and it's kinda hard to find the right seller until Flea catch one stand that he thinks had the best apples this far. He's so excited and running to that stand while Anthony walk slowly and Josh plays with his phone. "Are you sure it's sweet?" Flea hears a girl with a hoodie on, talking to the seller. "Hey, hey. You need to find a sweet apple?" He tries to help her because she sounds like doesn't know how to pick the right one. "Umm, yes, actually. It's for old lady in my neighbor so..."
"Right, let me help you." He pick some apples and put it on her basket and some to his own. "This is enough?" Flea handed her the basket. "Yeah, that's enough. Thank you for..." When she turns her face, she's shocked to see who's helping her. "Oh my God! Flea!" She quickly hug him and let go to see his toothgap right in front of her face. Then she turn around and see Anthony behind him also Josh. "Hi Tony! And umm.... Josh?" She's not sure if he's listening because he keep his eyes on screen. "Hi Dee." Anthony waves to her then turn to Josh. "Josh, are you listening?"
"Umm. Yes. Hi Dee." He looks at her for awhile then turn his eyes to his phone again.

"Apples for old lady, huh?" Flea is smiling while paying his apples. "Yea." She smiles, "It's for...my neighbor. She really know good apples and I won't disappoint her."
"That's sweet. Well, do you need a ride home?"
"Umm, no, I guess. I still have things to be bought." She take a deep breath. "Bye Flea! Thanks for your help. Bye Tony!" This time she skip Josh's name because she's sure he won't answer anyway. She take a turn and passed Josh without saying anything else. It's still hard to meet Josh again, especially after he dated that model, Geska. She knows she had nothing to do with his life, but still she can't forget him that easy. She can see how unhappy Josh face is. She doesn't know what's wrong with him and she thinks it's better to avoid him too.

"What's wrong with you?" Anthony ask Josh as soon as Deenah leave them. Flea understand the situation and tries to not talking about that, "Calm down Tony."
"He's so rude Flea. It's like something happened. Or...." He gasp a little before continue his sentence, "Is there something between you and her?"
"Of course not." Josh quickly denies, "Why you think there's any?"
"Because the way you looked at her. And I know you're not playing with your phone. Because I see you were scrolling through your contacts without actually doing anything."
"Tony..."
"I'm a jerk but doesn't mean I'm not sensitive Josh. Tell me what happened."

°°°°°°

Deenah walk home with full hands and sad eyes. She feels her eyes start to watery. "This is stupid. What the fuck am I thinking?" She mumble to herself and tries to wipe her eyes but she can't because her hands are full. "Damn it." She decided to wipe them with her shoulders. "Mrs. Sanders! I bring your apples." She shout it loud, trying to hide her sobs. "Come in honey!" She hears someone answer from inside the house. "Okay!" She take off her shoes and step into the house. "What are you doing there? I'll put the apples on your table okay?"
"Just put that and come in here!" She's inside a room that seems like abandoned for a long time. Quite tidy but she can see the dust clearly. "Sweetheart, can you help me to take this out?" Mrs. Sanders point out a box under the bed. "Sure." She drag the box and bring it out the room and put it at the living room. "You have a tape player dear?"
"Umm, I don't. But I had walkman. My dad gave me when I was a kid." Mrs. Sanders smiles and then open the box. "So I can give this all to you right?" She looks inside the box and it turns out a bunch of cassettes. "My God! This is like a treasure chest." She's gasping. "Oh God. Mrs. Sanders, you just moved here for 12 days and already gave me this. Is this yours?" She check out those cassettes excitedly. "No, it's my daughter's. Sophia."
"You had daughter? Where's she?"
"She was died of cancer, actually." Deenah can hear her tone becomes shaking. "Oh God. I'm sorry Mrs. Sanders. I didn't know about that."
"That's okay honey. It was long time ago." She hold Deenah's shoulder, "Also, I'm happy to know a young woman that likes my daughter's collections. I heard from your dad, that you likes some old stuff."
"It's more than just like, I love this collection. Look at that, R.E.M, Pink Floyd, and Oh My God! There are some RHCP early albums."
"Oh yeah, she liked RHCP so much. She couldn't stop talking about it. I don't know who is that band, but Sophia probably influenced by her boss back then."
"Her boss?"

°°°°°°

Josh is in the car with Flea and Anthony after a long talk about Deenah. "So that's why. God, that's horrible." Anthony take a deep breath after he understands everything between Josh and Deenah. "I know, I already dated Geska anyway. It tells a lot that we aren't belong to each other."
"I guess so. By the way, do you want me to drop you here or there?" Flea ask Josh. "Umm, here is okay. I want to buy a coffee."
"Alright." Flea stop his car and let Josh step out from his car. "Take care Josh!" Anthony waves to him before they drive away. After they leave, Josh visit a small coffee shop and order a latte. While he's waiting for his coffee, he feels something in his pocket. He take his phone out and see the screen. There are 4 messages. He assumed it's from Geska and he's about to close it but then his eyes catch another name on the bottom of those messages.

Hey, you have time tomorrow? I think I need to talk to you. How about 10.30 at the park near my old apartment? Tell me if you can make it okay?

-JF

He can't believe what he just read. It's been a long time since they really talking to each other. They didn't even talk personally when they meet that night, because Paige and Deenah were there with them. He types an answer quickly,

Of course! 10.30. See you there John.

Then he put his phone back to his pocket and take his cup of coffee before walking back to his place. He's wondering about what they're gonna talk about tomorrow. He hopes everything's okay and he just wants some nice talk with a close friends like John.

°°°°°°

"Yes. She used to babysit his kid after he got divorced. He had some hard times and Sophia help him to pass through that. And..." She held her words for awhile before continue, "At her last days, she told me that she loved this man. And he loved her too. But she knew she would not gonna make it so she quit her job so they couldn't see each other. Even though he came and beg me to see her on her last hour, but she didn't allowed me." Deenah can feel it. Not only feel sorry, but actually hurt to hear that. Even though what happened with her and Josh is a whole different case, but she knows how it feels to avoid someone you loved so much because you're afraid to get hurt if you keep seeing him. "So, he didn't have the chance to see her for the last time... Neither your daughter never had the same chance?" Deenah hold her breath while asking it, preventing herself from sobbing. "You can tell. And he only heard about her death from my phone. Months after that. Mike was so sad." Mrs. Sanders then tries to turn the conversation. "Your dad also told me about you and Zach had tour with RHCP. Is that right?"
"Correct."
"My daughter had one cassette with a signature on it. It's a weird signature to be honest. It's flea or something with a..."
"Toothgap. Like this?" Denah show a pin on her backpack. "Exactly like that. He's probably her favorite member."
"For me too!" Deenah giggles to thinking that she really idolize Flea since she was little. "He's genuine, lovely, and funny. How can I resist that?" She talk to Mrs. Sanders excitedly. "Well, so I guess you're okay with those old cassettes, aren't you?"
"Absolutely. Thanks a lot Mrs. Sanders."

°°°°°°

After packing them back to their box, Deenah pick the box and walk out from the house with Mrs. Sanders accompany her to the gate. "Take care Mrs. Sanders...." When she's looking at her home across the street, he see Flea standing in front of her house, calling for her name. "Omg, that's him." She says. "Who?"
"Flea. That's him. Mom and dad must be going out for lunch. Wanna meet him Mrs. Sanders?" Deenah put the box on the floor. "Is that okay? I mean, look at my house."
"Come on Mrs. Sanders. He's gonna happy to see you. He was helping me to choose your apples, you know." She smiles to her. "Really? Okay, if you think he will not...."
"Nooo, trust me." She go to the gate, open it and shouting. "Flea! I'm here." Flea turns his back and confused. "As long as I know, your house was here. What are you doing there?"
"Wanna meet the old lady that I was talking about? Come on, both of you can talk about apples later. We're planning to eat some that I bought from the market." Flea looks around him, not sure if he will disturb them or not. "Are you sure I'm allowed there?"
"Of course! She's cutting some apples!"
"Alright!"

Flea walks crossed the street and enter the house. "I like the vibe in here. You can tell the owner is absolutely a mother." He smiles wide. "See? I told you. You are very welcome." Deenah leads him to the living room and told him to sit there. "I'll help her to bring out the apple." She go in and later bring slice of apples on a plate. Suddenly Mrs. Sanders' eyes widened. "Mrs. Sanders this is...." Without hearing what Deenah said, Mrs. Sanders softly says, "Michael?" Flea quickly lift his face and then as shock as she is. "Carol? Oh my God..." Deenah see Flea is getting emotional and somehow everything makes sense now. "Mrs. Sanders... Is he...?" Mrs. Sanders nods between her tears, "Yes. That's Mike." She quickly put the plate on the table and then hug Flea for good. After they let go their hug, Mrs. Sanders hold his hand, "I'm so sorry about Sophia. She didn't want to make you...."
"Carol, that's fine. I can understand that...."

HOW IT ENDS

After not having a proper sleep, Josh wakes up with a dizziness up from his head. There's a lot of thing happens on his mind. Wether it's about Deenah, Geska, and also about what's probably John needs to say to him. He attempted to open the cutain near him but then changed his mind because it hurts his eyes.

"This can't be any better." He mumble and then throw his head again to the bed. "Should I tell him that I changed my mind?" He's about to close his eyes again when suddenly his phone rings. "Must be John. Right time to say that." He get up and reach his phone. But what he see is not John's number, it's Geska. "Yeah?" He picked that up, unexcited. "Baby, I'm sorry about yesterday. Can I go to your place?" For a moment something crossed his mind. He should meet John so he shouldn't have to meet her. "Umm, I'm sorry Geska. I had to meet someone."
"Who? Come on!"
"It's John. There must be something, because he texted me. All of sudden." He hears a sigh from the line. "Frusciante? Fine. Have a nice day then." He doesn't know why he's still stay with her after all this time. All he knows that he can't let her go, she came almost on the right place and the right time.

After she hung up, Josh put his phone back and get ready to meet John.

°°°°°°

The hardest part was when I really want to say my love for her, but I couldn't.

Flea's words can't even coming out from her mind since yesterday. What he said, made a lot of sense after all. Sure it was hard. And it is. She knows how it feels. But even thinking of it, feels so wrong for her. The guilt is so strong, she can't help it.

She looks at the box that she got yesterday. "Well, I think my old Walkman is gonna help." She says and then dig inside her room, tries to find out where she stored her Walkman. When finally she finds it, she put some new batteries and plug an earphone in. She wants to make sure everything is still working, the rolling pinch, those buttons and others. Besides all those bands, she put her hand on an amateur recorded tape with a handwritten on it. She reads it, November 10th, 1996. "The same month when she died." She can tell because Sophia was died on 15th.

The first 10 seconds are enough for her to know what's the song on that tape. It's Please Forgive Me. She remembers those notes and those slow melodies because her mom used to play this song a lot. Not only that, she also remembers every single words on that song, so she knows exactly why Sophia recorded it. It was her apologize and confession.

...... You're still holding on, you're still the one.......

How ironic it is to know that she was loving him till the end but forced herself to not seeing him. Same thing that Deenah does right now.

...... Can't get close enough.......

For every word and every breath I'm praying, that's why I'm saying...

...Please forgive me I know not what I do, please forgive me I can't stop loving you....

That's it, she only recorded one song, this particular song. "If she recorded it for Flea, should I give it to him? So he knows that she never forget him." She take the tape back from her player and put it to its case. Then she take a sticky notes and write something on it before she put it on the case. With a hope that Flea is not busy, she put her jacket on and take a cab to his house. It's probably just 10 minutes away so she can back home before her mom does.

°°°°°°

"How are you John? And Paige of course." Josh greets him gently right when he take a seat across him. John smiles a little bit, kinda timid. "Umm, I'm good. Paige is great. She's working on a painting right now. After all this time."
"Right." He take a break before continue his sentence, "So... What brings you here?" He gives a light smile so John will not see his nerves. "Why don't you tell me?"
"What?" Josh answer him quickly, confused. "I mean, I was concerned. About you. Are you okay?" John didn't waste his time and Josh quickly becomes defensive. "Me? I'm good."
"Really? But your face tells me the opposite." He says while taking a sip of his tea, "Last night.. I had a dream. About you. And you lost."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, I don't know. But I'm sure you do. I know you long enough to understand you." John can't help but show him that he can feel it. "But, if you really won't talk about it, that's fine. I just want you to know that I still care. I'm your friend." He's about to leave when he doesn't get any response from Josh. But when he take a step, Josh stop him. "Wait." So he decided to take his seat back and tries to listening. "So... It's about... Dee." He's barely can speak and keep trying to find the right words. "Dee? Deenah Clark that cheerful girl?" John is somehow amazed on how it's all happened. "Yeah that Dee. Why you're so surprised?"
"No, not at all. It's just... Funny. I mean, that day when she helped me to find Paige... I thought about how it feels so right if you and her going together. It's just a feeling and I never say it to anybody." He smiles and looks up just to recall his thoughts. "You.... You thought? But why?"
"Because... I see something on her that's probably a thing that is missing on you. But I couldn't say that to you guys because I know she's too afraid to let go of him."
"Let go? You mean Zach? You know about them?" Josh is now sit tight to the edge of the table so he can hear John better. "Of course I know. Paige is like her sister and she told Paige everything. Meanwhile, I once gave Zach my strat when he came here and I see how much they depends to each other."
"You're right. That's why I'm afraid to take another step. I can let myself fall too far to someone who still in love with her past. Look at how long you and Paige been separated but yet she ended up with you again?"
"I know, but the funny thing is... What I feel on Deenah and Zach is not that kind of thing that happened between me and Paige. I always feel that their brotherhood connection is way stronger than their romance thing."
"Even if that's true, she's avoiding me. And I am dating now." Hearing that, John stand up, smiles and says, "Yes, but how long lovers got separated, they will find a way right?" He put his hand on Josh's shoulder, "Anyway, I know you're not happy with your current relationship. I bet." He turns his back and then leaves Josh to think clearly.