Take Me As I Am .... (Chris Brown FanFiction)

Story Time

I couldn't fathom anything that was happening right now. My breathing was staggered and my body was shaking, I didn't have anywhere else to go, I couldn't go anywhere; above the fact that Chris threw me out with nothing but my tank top and boy shorts on, I was still so fucking drunk.

I banged on the door a couple times but it was no use, either he'd fell asleep or he'd completely tuned me out. I can't believe he found out like this. I can't believe I was about to have sex with him.

I don't know how long I'd been out here, but by now the sun had risen. I can't be mad at Chris for being mad, but some of the things he did and said last night were so low. I mean what the hell is kicking me out going to do?

"Chris! Chris please I'm sorry! Please just let me explain I know you can hear me!" I shouted from where I was sitting, I knew for a fact he could hear me because my head was pressed against the door and I could hear him moving around inside. I figured if he could hear me then I might as well just explain whilst sitting right here, what's the worst that could happen.

"I didn't want to leave, I didn't want any of this. I didn't ask to get raped and I didn't ask to get pregnant by you. I was 16 Chris, I didn't know how to deal with any of that."

I felt the tears rolling again. "You wanted to be this big singer and you were making shit happen ; you would have hated me for dropping a baby on you and you know it. Then when I got raped I thought, fuck it. Fuck you, fuck the world and fuck this baby... I was going to get an abortion, but - I- I didn't want to kill her because she was ours. She was the little you, that had to love me unconditionally and that I loved unconditionally and she couldn't hurt me or leave me." I was crying so hard now that I had to keep taking pauses to catch my breath.

"But even she left, She left me and it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I was right there when her little eyes got heavy and her breathing staggered and the... doctors they rushed me out so quick and I never got to stay goodbye. I never said goodbye to her and it hurts, it hurts so much." I sat there once I was done talking for a couple minutes, before finally I heard the door nob move and then it opened to reveal him, He was crying, and his face was filled with tears, they weren't cute or composed, they were ugly and raw and they showed me that he cared.

I stood up in front of him before stepping closer and awkwardly put my arms around him, his arms lifted from his sides and I felt his chest heaving quickly against me before he threw his arms around me tightly and put his head into my neck.

"It's okay. Shhhh its okay, we'll get through this okay?" I said breaking away from the hug and held his face in my hands.

"You should have said something. I should have been there, I would have been there for you...both of you." I'd never really seen him cry like this, I hated it.

"Please tell me you don't hate me." He shook his head through the tears.

"...I'm mad at you, I can't hate you." I wiped the tears from his face then looked behind him.

"You want to sit down and talk about it?" I don't know what came over me, but this was the most we'd spoken in 3 months. I was rattled.

He nodded and walked into the apartment and threw himself on the couch. I sat on the love seat and just watched as he massaged his temples.

"When was she born?" he asked making me look to his eyes. "November 17th... she was premature though." He shook his head slowly and I watched his head drop into his hands.

"You have any pictures?" he muttered without looking at me. I nodded but he couldn't see it. I got up walking to my room then went under my bed pulling out a shoe box from underneath it; that's where I kept all her things – well some of them. That's where her birth certificate was supposed to be, I don't know why it was where it was. I must have put it there by accident.

I sat by him and he looked up taking the photo from my hands then flipped it over, i saw his eyes asses it and more tears built in his eyes. He looked up at me just as the tears fell.

"She looks just like me... she was beautiful Kam." He was looking at the picture and speaking less to me and more to himself. I watched tears fall from his eyes again.

"I can't believe this. We're supposed to have a 10 year old." He said then swallowed, I listened as he spoke and felt my heart drop. The way he said it broke my heart.

"I want to visit her grave." He said soon after and looked up at me.

"It's in Richmond." I said unable to tear my eyes from the picture in his hand.

"It don't matter where. I want to go." I nodded quickly. But I was scared, I was scared to go there, I didn't want to go there.

"...I got to go. I don't want you to think I hate you. There's just a lot going on in my mind and i'm angry. But I don't hate you okay?" he said and used his free hand to touch my cheek.

I nodded looking up at him and he leaned forward to kiss my cheek.

"I Love you. I didn't want to admit it all this time. But I love you." I felt goosebumps on my arms and my heart fluttered. "I love y-".

My phone started ringing cutting off what I was saying. What great fucking timing, I reached for it, but chris saw it first and tried to smack my hand away.

"I have to answer it." I said and swallowed. If I knew Michael, he wasn't going to stop calling.

Chris smacked his teeth then rolled his eyes.

"whatever." He grumbled and I quickly scrolled to answer.

"Baby?" I said into the phone.

"Hey baby. What's up." He asked making small talk, clearly he didn't have anything important to say.

"Nothing. Babe, i'm kind of busy. Can I call you later?" I asked watching Chris as he continued to stare at me.

"Too busy for me? I'm outside."

Ah shit.