Pained

44

i'm sorry for being bitter lately. for being so closed off and sour towards you. i don't know how to control my anger sometimes. i'm not angry with you. just the situation.

i feel like it's all my fault in a way. like everything that led to where i am now. i feel like i could've made better choices. not just with you. but everything before our relationship. i feel as if i did better, then i wouldn't be sitting around in my room in the middle of summer, wishing for school to roll back around just so i can have something to keep me busy and distracted from everything else.

i'm not going to lie, i miss you like crazy. knowing that i can do nothing about it hurts me so bad. so much in my head is twisted. sometimes i tell myself that you're just throwing it all in my face.

the next morning, i wake up, and i realize that this is all real. and yet, i wish that it was my dream instead of you.

that's what hurts the most, beautiful.

my words used to soothe you. you used to think of me in ways i never thought anybody could. i thought of you in ways i never thought i could. i still do, honestly.

and it's all gone.

i'm sorry for what i've done. i just hope that this one is the one that works for you. i hope she treats you like the queen you are and respects you the way you should be. you deserve to be happy. you're an angel.

don't forget that.