Can I Call You Appa?

Ch. 8

Jin POV

"He...wants to call me...appa..."

Were my ears hearing correctly? I choked on my spit and looked at him with wide eyes, I mean really looked at him. His face was a deep red, he looked really nervous, and he was messing with the sleeves of his jumper. He didn't look me in the eye because I could tell he didn't want to tell me.

I expected something like that to come out of Taehyung's mouth, but Jimin? He was so shy and didn't like to talk to strangers. It surprised me this morning when I found them in the bed together all snuggled up. I've never seen Jimin take to someone like he has Namjoon. It's like he's Jimin's personal superhero whenever I or Taehyung wasn't around.

Jimin never shut up about Namjoon since he met him. He always said how he was so nice and let him play with Yoongi. He also really liked Jungkook, or Kookie as he liked to call him, and said he wanted to play with him constantly. It just made me like Namjoon even more knowing that my two boys liked him and his boys so much.

I had to really think about how to respond to Jimin called Joon appa. What was I supposed to say? It's not like Namjoon and I are romantically involved. I would like us to be but we aren't.

"U-Uh...He did?" I asked, a shocked look on my face.

"Yeah he did...but I told him he couldn't.." Namjoon replied, his face growing more red.

"Why?" I replied. Fuck. Why did I even ask? Stupid Seokjin.

"W-Well...um...I-I uh....said...he had to uh....well you h-had to um..." He stammered. He looked extremely nervous now.

"I had to what?" My eyebrows furrowed.

"l-love me first..." He whispered.

I heard him of course, but I didn't believe he really said it. "Louder?" I asked.

"I-I told him you....had to..you know...l-love me...?" He replied, a little louder this time.

My whole face went red, my palms got sweaty, and my heart started to race. Love him? Did I already love him? Was my mind just playing tricks on me? I didn't know what to say. I felt all choked up and my mind went completely blank.

What would my children think? I don't know if Jimin was just saying it in the moment or if he truly meant it. Is this something my boys really want? Another parental figure? I was conflicted. On one hand I truly wanted this, on the other hand I didn't know if I was really ready for another relationship.

Namjoon looked more nervous now because I wasn't saying anything. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to give the okay to some guy whom I only met weeks ago? Yeah, he a terrific guy but how do I know he wont abuse me? Or this is all an act?

My mind was racing and the heartbroken look on Namjoon's face just made me feel even worse. My eyes wondered to the living room where the boys were all laying and watching some tv. The boys all got along so well, but was I ready for a relationship yet?

"H-He did..?" I squeaked out.

Namjoon nodded, "B-But then he went right to sleep."

"Wow...um...i dont know what to say.." I replied, scratching the back of my neck.

Namjoon gave me an apologetic look and picked Jungkook up from his high chair and took him into the living room. I leaned against the counter and ran my hands over my face. I gently tugged on my hair and bit my lip.

It wasnt that I wasn't ready for a relationship, it's just that I was scared to jump in so soon. My boys do need another parental figure in their life, but was I ready for that? What if we don't work out? What if the boys all grow up and suddenly hate each other? What if Namjoon and I end horribly? I couldn't handle that.

"Daddy! Daddy! Joonie make Taetae rocket!" Taehyung exclaimed, running into the kitchen.

"A rocket?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

I heard laughing coming from the living room and I peeked inside. I saw Namjoon taking turns spinning the boys around in the air like rocket ships and airplanes. The boys were laughing up a storm as Namjoon was making crazy sound effects and talking in funny voices.

It wasn't that Namjoon was a bad guy, in fact he was literally everything I could ever want. Smart, charming, caring, incredible with kids, hard working, so sweet, and he was very good looking. But I just couldn't bring myself to give him the okay yet. Do I love Namjoon? I don't know. Do I like Namjoon? I like him a lot, hell I slept in his clothes! My mind was racing at a million miles an hour.

Namjoon was getting tired so he laid on the floor, catching his breath as all of the children jumped onto him. He played along and started laughing when they all started attacking him like little monsters. He looked at me for help and I just shrugged.

"Jin! Help us get appa!" Hoseok exclaimed, grabbing my hands.

"Hmmmmm..." I playfully said, bringing my hands up and wiggling them.

Namjoon panicked and started shaking his head. "No! No no no no. Jin, come on now. Dont do this to me man...."

I attacked his sides with my fingers and he started laughing up a storm. All of the children seemed overjoyed and then started attacking me too! Namjoon and I laid on the floor defenseless as those little monsters climbed all over us.

--

It was now 8:30 at night and it was time for the boys to go to sleep. I got them all bathed and tucked in. I just got done reading them a bed time story and was quietly getting their clothes ready for the next morning.

"Daddy?" Taehyung whispered.

I looked at him, "Tae you're supposed to be sleeping." I gently whispered back.

"When we have a appa?" He whispered back, cuddling his tiger closer.

I sighed and sat on his bed. I gently brushed his hair back with my fingers. "Why do you want an appa?"

He looked at me with big eyes and poked his lip out, "So we be big family."

"We are family, me, you, and Minnie."

He shook his head, "Yoonie, Hobi, Kookie, and Joonie too."

This caught me by surprise, but I just smiled. My two boys just loved Namjoon and his three sons. It surprises me because they've only known each other a short time and they're already this attached. On one hand it was a relief that they feel this way, and on the other hand it made my feelings for Namjoon just grow bigger.

"We'll see, okay? Just get some rest." I told him, kissing his forehead and exiting the room.

I went into my room and got out my old wedding ring. Yes I still had it but I don't know why. I guess I just never really got around to pawning it off. I put it away and laid on the bed. It would be nice to lay in Namjoon's arms like I did earlier. It just felt so right being held like that. I felt so...safe. He makes me feel safe.

My ex wife would barely tell me she loved me or show affection at all. I a lot of the time felt so unwanted but I stayed because...well I'm not really sure why. Now that I'm single and this incredible guy is in my life, I have no idea what to do. Do I go for it? Do I not? I dont know.

The boys clearly want it and they want us to all be a big family. Namjoon seemed disappointed when I didn't give him a direct yes or no to his question earlier. Is it because the boys want it? Is it because he's lonely?

Is it because he feels the same?