II. roman holiday | blaise zabini

chapter 12

*warning: dream scene involving forms of violence*

chapter 12

"are you as close to giving up as I've been?
i know we kept losing touch got lost in the rush
i pray you don't hurt too much."

-Lewis Capaldi, Jessie Reyez

"I can't do this anymore."

The words fell from his mouth faster than he could stop them. Really he was kind of grateful, if he had thought about it he never would have been able to do this. Now there was no turning back.

He wasn't sure if he was even going to do this. The last month or so he had spent contemplating what he should say or do when he finally had to face her. He was nearly grateful when she rejected his ideas to meet up. 

But he definitely hadn't planned on doing it like this. Not in between a make-out session, not when she looked like that and he'd have to watch the soft, slightly lustful look in her eyes turn to sadness or anger or even hate. 

Blaise watched as the confusion settled in her face, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion and her, very much swollen, lips turned down.

"Can't do what?"

Just say it, rip the bandaid off. But that wasn't his voice, it actually sounded a lot like Draco. 

"This." He gestured between them, keeping his face as neutral as possible, "Us."

Blaise then saw as the fear settled in, intermingling with the confusion.

"What?" Her voice was still soft, this time sounding more scared than comforting.

"Yeah." He said, taking a step back, he needed to put distance between them. "We aren't working out. This relationship, it isn't going anywhere.

"Blaise," She said, taking a step neared and reaching out for his hands. He let her take them again, reveling in her warmth, knowing that soon he wouldn't have it at all. "Blaise, love, where is this coming from?"

Keep your face neutral, never show your emotions. Those who know how you feel can use it against you, Blaise. That was his mother, definitely his mother.

He shrugged, prying his hands away from hers and pulling them to his side. It was becoming increasingly difficult to pretend this didn't feel like this wasn't breaking him in so many different ways.

"It's been coming for a while if I'm being honest. Face it, Lyra, we both knew this wasn't going anywhere."

"Is that actually how you feel about us?" Blaise didn't think he had ever heard Lyra's voice as meek as it was right now and fuck, did that make his chest ache.

Stop, stop doing this.

"Yeah, I mean eventually we had to stop kidding ourselves. I told you all about my family, my mother has expectations, Knight. She expects me to do better than the likes of--"

Stop talking!

"The likes of who?" The confusion was gone, instead Lyra's face now screamed pain and anger, "The likes of me?"

Don't do it. Don't say it!

But Blaise shrugged again, "Well, yeah."

"And what exactly," She punctuated the word with a jab at his chest, it felt like having an icicle jabbed into his skin, "are the likes of me, Zabini?"

And this is when Blaise knew he had to make a decision. Break her heart or risk her life and the lives of the Notts, Malfoys, and Zabinis. Part of him desperately wanted to tell her everything. Tell her about the Dark Mark, the Death Eaters he was forced to call family, his friends who were at risk, and everything else.