Time To Fuck Up The Timeline

First Day

Anko was pretty lonely. When that happens, one might think to get a pet. Not Anko. Anko thinks to adopt a kid. She didn't want a baby, that was too much work. A toddler was hard work too. She wanted a kid that could talk, and would be capable enough to last on their own while she was on a mission, so she went to the orphanages.

That didn't work. They turned her away because she was a ninja. She wouldn't have time to take care of the kids. She just wasn't cut out to be a mom. That's what they said at least.

She decided to anger eat at her favorite restaurant. That's when Naruto entered. If she were a civilian, she probably would've bought his lie, but she wasn't. She knew what he was doing, and was impressed. Not many kids could do that. Then again, not many kids were actually 22.

   That settled it. She wanted to adopt him. Is he an orphan? Check. Is he capable of taking care of himself while she was gone on a mission? Check. Is there anyone who can tell her no besides Naruto? Nope. She was all set.

   Anko knew Naruto was a prankster. She knew that he wasn't exactly the most pleasant kid, but she also knew he was looking for attention. He wanted to be loved and cared for. Something she wanted to give him. After all, she wanted the same thing. She wanted to be loved and cared for as a child too, but Orochimaru took that away from her. Now, she could give a child what she wanted, maybe even get some in return.

He did seem hesitant, which worried Anko, but he did give her a shot. A shot that she didn't want to blow, and she didn't. He had lots of fun, she had lots of fun, and he agreed. Even though it all went well, Anko could tell he was still hesitant. As if something was in the way where he felt he couldn't. He did agree, so that was a plus, and Anko knew it was the right thing. She could feel it.

———

   "Naruto, I wasn't expecting you. What brings you to my office?" Hiruzen asked.

   "I just wanted to let you know that I won't be needing the money you bring anymore." Naruto said.

   "May I ask why?" Hiruzen was really curious. Naruto loved money, so why would he stop needing it?

   "Well, I'm getting adopted." Naruto smiled.

   "By who?" Hiruzen was under the impression that no one wanted anything to do with Naruto. It was sad, but all the evidence pointed to it.

"Anko Mitarashi." Naruto said.

"That's good news, Naruto." Now Hiruzen was really confused. He had known Anko for a long time, and never, in a million years, would he ever have thought she wanted a kid. Let alone Naruto. He was a good person, but a little... wild. Then again, so was Anko. Maybe it made sense after all.

   "It is! Well, I gotta go. Anko is expecting me back soon." Naruto hopped out the window.

   As Naruto was walking towards his new home, he noticed a few people were following him. He stopped and sighed slightly annoyed.

   "Why are you following me?" Naruto turned around waiting for them to show their faces.

   "We saw you moving out of your apartment. Where is your new house?" jackass asked. There was three of them. We're gonna call them jackass, asshat, and bitch.

   "Like I'm gonna tell you!" Naruto stuck his tongue out.

   "If you're not gonna tell us, we'll just beat it out of you." They were just civilians, so he could easily take them, but he couldn't. What twelve year old could take on adults? Not to mention the dead last. He would be able to avoid and throw a few sloppy punches, but that was it. Oh, looky there, they've got kunai. How wonderful.

   After a little bit, Naruto let himself get caught and pushed into an ally. He sent a toad to tell Sasuke what happened. He needed some help in order to not look suspicious, and Sasuke was the only one without parents keeping an eye on them. Of course, he wasn't going to let them seriously hurt or kill him, but he would let himself get a little hurt.

   "Tell us where you live." asshat held the kunai to Naruto's throat.

   "Why? So you can demolish it? I think I'll pass." Naruto looked away. He knew he was hated, but he was certain the villagers wouldn't actually try to seriously injure him. He was wrong. asshat cut Naruto's throat. It wasn't too deep, but it still hurt, and kept him from talking. If he talked, more blood would spill, and he needed that blood.

   "Now, you're gonna show us your new home. If you don't, there's more where that came from." bitch threatened. Naruto was definitely intimidated. Yes, he was shaking in his shoes. He was absolutely terrified. Oh, whatever shall he do in this terrifying situation? Please note the sarcasm.

   "As if!" Naruto stuck his tongue out and ran away. Yeah, he lost some blood. He's not really smart. He was surprised when he felt a stabbing pain in his shoulder. He really didn't expect some civilians to have good aim.

   "Get him!" jackass ordered.

   "Get who? I'm certain you don't mean Naruto. Because that wouldn't be smart of you." Anko smiled ever so sweetly at the three.

   "No, we weren't!" jackass stumbled before running away with the other two following him.

   "You can't even walk home by yourself." Anko scolded.

   "I can too." Naruto lost even more blood.

   "Don't talk! You keep losing blood, idiot." Anko hit his head. She took some bandages out of her pouch and wrapped them around Naruto's shoulder and throat.

   She carried him home, and patched him up a little better. After a bit, Sasuke stormed into her house, grabbed Naruto, and pushed him outside.

   "Hey! Let go! What are you doing here? Don't you know it's rude to just burst into someone's home!" Naruto said.

"First, I get a message from your toad saying you're in trouble. Next, I find blood where you're supposed to be along with a trail of blood. I follow that blood to see you're just fine." Sasuke glared.

"I wouldn't call this just fine." Naruto muttered.

"Who attacked you?" Sasuke asked.

"A few civilians. They were just upset that I moved." Naruto shrugged. His shoulder really hurt after that.

"So you could've fought back or at least dodged them?" Sasuke was getting really annoyed.

"Well, I'm not gonna hurt civilians, and I'm twelve, also the dead last. I couldn't take on three adults without being suspicious. That's why I called you for help." Naruto argued.

"Dumbass." Sasuke hit Naruto's head and stormed off.

"What is it? Hit Naruto's head day?" Naruto grumbled before walking back in the house.

———

That took a little longer than planned, but it's finally out. I hope you enjoyed it.