My whole body hurt. All night I'm thinking about only and one Daniel James Seavey. Jonah is peacefully sleeping by my side, but I can't. I figured out, I still love Daniel. Even thought he hurt me. I don't know what to do. My brain is on edge to explode. I slowly stood up, and went to my bathroom. I looked really bad. I had a big eyebags under my tired eyes and really messy hair. I opened drawer under the sink and found a razor. I know if i cut my veins it won't solve my problems, but I really don't know what to do. I looked in my mirror again. Why am I doing this. I don't want to hurt myself, and the others who care about me. I put the razor back in the drawer. Then I slowly slid down to the floor, staring at the ceiling. I stayed like this for awhile, when I heard a noise. Jonah woke up.
Jo: Ashley?
As: I'm in bathroom. I simply answered.
Jo: Can I come in? His voice was really close, he was probably near the door.
As: Yeah.
A second later the door opened, and I saw Jonahs head.
Jo: Hey, you okay? I was scared when you weren't in bed, I thought you went- you know...
As: I was going to do it, but I reconsider it and I'm fine, I just can't stop thinking about him. Something inside me still love him, even if he was acting like a dick. I started sobbing.
Jo: Now u see, why I didn't want you to hangout with us. I knew you feel something to him and he feel something to you, but also I knew how is he, and I knew, he'll hurt you.
As: I know Jonah and I'm sorry...
Jo: Don't be, and you have to sleep, so go to bed, maybe you'll fall asleep again.
Then I stood up from the cold floor, and threw myself onto bed. Jonah cuddle up with me, and I fell asleep in some minutes.
I woke up to someone yelling. Oh fuck. Mostly I heard Daniels and Jonahs voice, but sometime I heard Corbyn. I swear if they are fighting because of me, I would kill them. I stood up from the bed, and little bit opened the door, because I wanted to know what are they saying.
.... Jo:SHE LITERALLY WANTED TO KILL HERSELF TONIGHT BECAUSE OF YOU! SHE STILL LOVE YOU DANIEL, BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T CARE, ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT, IS YOU! YOU CHEATED ON HER ONLY BECAUSE YOU WANTED PLEASURE YOURSELF WITH SOME CHICK! THIS IS NOT DANIEL I KNOW... YOUR JUST AN AROGANT ASSHOLE WHO HURT MY SISTER!
Da: JONAH I KNOW I AM ASSHOLE, IDIOT AND EVEN MORE! I KNOW I FUCKED UP REALLY BAD! I JUST NEVER FELT A REAL LOVE! I'VE NEVER LOVED SOMEONE THIS BADLY! I KNOW SHE'S NOT GONNA FORGIVE ME THIS FAST, BUT I FUCKING LOVE HER!
Everyone stayed silent. I wonder why. I opened door, but I forgot, that they always does a noise, when you open them, and of course, five pairs of eyes landed on me.
Jo: Oh h-hey your up? he said awkwardly.
As: Uhm yeah y'all are so loud.
Da: Uhm I-I should probably go.
Jo: Yeah you should. He said pretty annoyed by him.
Daniel just glared at him, and left. No one said anything, we were all just staring at eachother. Then I just turned up stairs and went to my room and right to my bed.
He actually love me. no he don't ashley, he cheated on you. But why did he said it? Ugh maybe just for and excuse. But he said it. Why did he said it? Did he meant it? Ugh I don't know.
I stayed in my bed for like 2 hours. I wasn't sleeping, I was just overthinking about everything. I was just asking, if I weren't, relatioships in Why Don't We could be so much better, they wouldn't be always fighting because of me, they would just making music and goof around, laughing, and didn't talk about me and Daniel. Ugh I should kill myself tonight.
I looked over my clock, and it says 11:23 pm. I was starving so I went downstairs make something to eat. No one was in the house, boys were on interview or something. While I was eating a bowl of cereals, I decided I'll go to the beach. So I took a quick shower, found some bikini and other things and left the house. I walked to the beach because I wanted to be on fresh air.
While I was walking, unlucky me, it started raining. I was pretty far from home, and I didn't had money for uber, so only thing I could do, was walking. It was one hour of walking, because stupid me, decided to go to the further beach from home.
I was walking about half of hour, and you can tell I was freezing. Some minutes later, I saw a car stopped next to me. I wasn't sure who was it, so I kept walking. Then, stranger pulled his window down. It was Daniel. Probably he was going home from the interview. I was ignoring him. I didn't want to made another fight by talking to him.
Da: Hey Ashley can you please hop in? I don't want you to walk home when it's raining. He said. Wow now he cares about me.
I was still ignoring him.
Da: Please Ash don't be so stubborn, Jonah'll not be happy, if i'll leave you in rain. He said probably annoyed.
I didn't say anything, but I hopped in his car, because I knew, he wouldn't leave me. A small smile appears on his face, but I didn't even looked at him. I was just staring from the window and shaking, because I was still cold. He took off his hoodie and handed me it. From the beggining I didn't want to take it, but I was really cold so I took it. I didn't say anything, I knew, if I thanked him, he would start conversation.
After some moments of awkward silent, he spoke.
Da: Ashley, uhm, can we t-talk?
