Circles | Eren x Reader

Chapter 47- Guilty:

Eren's POV:

"Oh well. Too late now," I said cooly. "So... What would you like to do?" I leaned towards (Y/N), smiling mischievously.

She pushed me out of the way and started walking down the hall. "Not that," she said adamantly.

"Why not?" I frowned, following her.

"I thought you didn't like me," she said. "Didn't our last conversation at the park establish these sort of things?"

"No, actually," I disagreed, speeding up so I could walk beside her. "In fact, I think it left things more open-ended and more confusing than before."

(Y/N) thought for a moment before speaking: "Mm. Well, I think things are established enough to where you should be frustrated with me and leave me alone."

"I am frustrated with you," I said. (Y/N) stopped to listen. "I've just chosen to not care at the moment."

"What do you mean 'not care'?" she asked, turning to face me.

I shrugged. "I've been busy. I don't have time to think about things anymore."

"So, that means what, exactly?"

"It means," I explained, moving hand under (Y/N)'s chin and pressing my thumb to her lip, "that if I feel like being with you, I'll do it without thinking twice."

(Y/N) stood, motionless, her eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly open from my sudden gesture. She didn't pull away. I guess she's too in shock to do that.

"Stop it, Yeager." She snapped out of it and slapped my hand away. "I'm not doing this again with you."

"Why not?" I questioned, trailing behind her again as she spun and began walking back to class.

(Y/N)'s hand rested on the door handle to room 104A. "Because..." she hesitated, "Because I said so."

With that, she stepped back into class and closed the door behind her, leaving me alone in the hall. I leaned back on a set of lockers and sighed. I suppose (Y/N) was right. Our activities together should not be performed during school hours, I thought, smiling to myself. I didn't feel like going back to class. Instead, I figured I'd meditate on things for awhile.

My relationship with (Y/N) was indescribable. It was complicated and twisted on many, many levels and seemingly unreadable to myself and others. I chewed my lip as I took a moment to try and sort things out. Like Mikasa had said, getting a job had given me much less time to thing about these sort of things. It certainly made things better: I was coping with the loss of my dad much easier now, and spent less time thinking about (Y/N). But, I couldn't ignore everything forever. Even as I worked and kept my mind off of things, there was always a constant push in my stomach, wrenching me towards (Y/N). I couldn't let her go so easily, unfortunately for the both of us. Maybe, if I take a moment to reassess things, I'll be able to force that horrible feeling down for a bit longer.

I figured the easiest way to do this was to make a list. I'm quite fond of them— they're very organized and simple to read. Number one, I began in my head, I like (Y/N). How much I wasn't sure, but it was an undeniable fact. Number two: (Y/N) possibly, probably likes me back. Or maybe not probably. Maybe less-than-probably. Maybe unlikely.

I was only on number two of this list and was already encountering problems. There was too much unknown with her— too much confusion. We'd fight, we'd apologize, we'd fight again, we'd kiss for a moment, start fighting again, we'd apologize again, then proceed with more fighting... It was like a horribly drawn circle that was full of curvy lines and bumps. I had no idea how to deal with it.

It seems, though, that she doesn't know how to deal with it either... Could this mess be because (Y/N) has been repressing her feelings for me?

It was the most likely option, I hoped. She seemed to be constantly conflicted about something related to Jean. Not surprising, given the fact that I essentially broke them up and now (Y/N) is potentially feeling things for me. If I remembered correctly, (Y/N) said that she felt like she was betraying Jean. She hadn't said his name directly, but it wasn't hard to tell. I could understand where she was coming from... I suppose, if I was in her boat, I'd consider it a betrayal too.

So, maybe it was selfish of you to continue to toy with (Y/N) knowing how conflicted she feels. To my chagrin, the Armin inside my head decided to make an appearance today.

My own voice countered: Maybe. But why am I supposed to care? It's her problem.

Armin replied, But you are an external force worsening that problem. Is it not in your best favor to stay out of it? To give (Y/N) a chance to sort things out first? Maybe then, she'll come to you.

Unlikely, I thought, questioning my sanity as my conversation with an invisible Armin continued. If I leave her alone, she'll forget about me.

Oh, I highly doubt that.

Suddenly, the sound of horrible ringing reverberated in my ears. It seemed that I had lost track of time and spent the rest of my class time brooding. Everyone began streaming out into the hall, and I caught (Y/N) walking out with Jean, the two of them chatting amiably.

That's unexpected... I haven't seem the two of them together in months. And alone, no less!

I felt a hand on my arm and jumped away. It was Mikasa. Armin was by her side, clutching his pile of books anxiously.

"Why did you skip the rest of class?" Mikasa asked bluntly.

"I was bored," I replied flatly, watching the clumps of students walk by.

"Awfully convenient that you left at almost the exact same time that (Y/N) did," she pushed.

"Nothing happened, Mikasa," I said, shoving her off. "Can we just go home?"

"Don't you have work?" Armin asked quietly.

I groaned. Fuck— I forgot about that. "Yes," I mumbled.

"Well, we can always walk together tomorrow," he said optimistically. "I have a study group with Annie and Bertholdt today anyway."

"Alright," I agreed. Armin turned away and began walking, but Mikasa stayed behind. I waved her away: "Go home, Mikasa."

"Are you going to work?" she asked suspiciously.

"Yes!" I responded irritatedly.

"Okay. Your shift ends at nine today. You'll be home right after, correct?"

"Yes, Mikasa! Just go already! I'm not a child— I can manage myself just fine! So, would you please stop babying me?!"

She shifted her gaze to the floor and mumbled a reply I couldn't hear. Armin led her away gently, doing his best to keep her calm. He was used to our constant bickering. When we were kids, he learned quickly that his best bet was to stay out of things and let us argue it out. Then, he'd swoop in and fix everything. I'm not sure what we'd do without him.

Eventually, the two of them disappeared into the crowd and I left my spot to go to my locker. When I arrived, I clicked the blue metal door open, grabbed my backpack, and headed to work, doing my best to keep the rest of the world out of my head.