The Edge

Matteo: Part Twelve

Matteo went after Adoette to see what she'd needed...or that was the idea, at least. When he finally found her in her room, he just stood in the doorway for a bit, the two of them staring at each other like they weren't sure where to start.

"...I'm going to fucking murder him," Matteo said.

It felt mean to voice it out loud, and it wasn't even true in the literal sense. The sentiment was completely genuine, though, and if he couldn't talk about it with Adoette, he couldn't talk about it with anyone.

"Same," she signed before gesturing for him to come in. "I don't know why he's like this. No. I do know why, but I thought he was past it."

"I guess not." Matteo sat down on the floor and rubbed his eyes. "At least no one died."

Damn, the bar was set low.

"And Gideon didn't break anything," Adoette added.

Again: bar set super low.

"You're right," Matteo said anyway, because she was. Low as the bar was, things definitely could've gone worse. "What did you need my help with? I need to focus on something else."

Adoette grimaced in understanding. "How much do you know about radio shows? We found out Helen was looking for a radio host."

"On the planet?"

Adoette shook her head. "Deep space signals coming from deeper in the Edge."

Matteo frowned. The sentence tracked with how badly their luck had been going, but not so much with logical reality. "What kind of deep space signals are they sending out this far?"

"Don't know. It's called Lighthouse Radio. Big fanbase, I guess. His name is John." Adoette sighed visibly. "It sounds less weird than here, but I know it won't be. Not with our luck."

"No kidding." They were getting further and further from civilized space with every planet they went to, and it seemed like things were getting weirder and weirder despite his deep desire for a break. If he'd known he'd be dealing with even a tenth of what they'd already lived through...

Well, of course he still would've gone. It was Cassandra he was talking about. But he probably would've found some way to prepare himself. And also made sure that everyone stuck together literally at all times. Splitting up had not done them any favors.

"This sucks," he muttered.

Adoette grimaced in agreement. She tapped his shoulder twice, made sure he was looking directly at her, and signed, "Are you okay?"

Matteo shook his head. He could've lied, but he didn't have to lie to Adoette, and he was too tired to try anyway. He wanted today to be over, and it wasn't even lunch time yet.

Or was it? He didn't know. What time was it?

"Go take a nap," Adoette said, probably reading the exhaustion in his face. "I can wait. We won't leave until tomorrow anyway." She lightly shoved his shoulder. "We've got this. We're safe."

Matteo knew he was tired when his brain wouldn't even let himself second-guess Adoette's reassurances. "Thanks," he signed as he struggled back to his feet. "If we're not going, I need new hearing aids. Can you look into it?"

"Already am."

Matteo smiled with weary relief and gave her a hug. "You're the best," he said.

At least some of his siblings were still sane.

Matteo shuffled back to his room. The first thing he did once through the door was lie on the floor. He would've lay down in his bed, but he still felt kinda muddy, and he didn't want to get the sheets dirty.

I should shower.

...showering is hard.

Matteo felt something crinkle in his pockets. He frowned and dug through until he found the object. It was a pre-packaged pastry. He still had one left from the gang's house. For some reason, the sight set him off in slightly wheezy, exhausted laughter.

It wasn't funny. But at the same time, it kind of was.

He knew he needed to get up and face reality: with Arian, with the police, with Cassandra. He also needed to shower and sleep and eat, but those were just steps along the way to facing all the big stuff happening.

But he couldn't make himself get up.

Maybe there was another step he needed: a break. Just five minutes to lay on the floor and pretend that everything was fine. That he had a normal family.

Though he supposed, if he was being fair, they had normal family problems. Siblings fought, siblings said dumb shit, sometimes they broke off contact and got into trouble. They just had the extraordinary bad luck of living in extraordinary times, with a lot more chances for things to go wrong or get weird.

Lucky us.