The Edge

Adoette: Part Twelve

They were scheduled for an early afternoon liftoff. They spent the waiting time getting supplies and trying to keep it together. Unfortunately, even after taking off, they would have to keep it together a bit longer. Even with the incredibly high speeds of travel mankind had managed to achieve, it would take them a few days to get to New Frontier. Fortunately, Helen reported that Cassandra had bilocated into her room again that afternoon and that she seemed fine—or, at least, unchanged from when they'd last seen her. Matteo confirmed it. So, there was that weight off their shoulders.

Despite that, Adoette couldn't sleep that night.

The anticipation of travel always used to excite her. Seeing new planets was always fun, and even the mystery of what they would encounter once they landed was enough to get her through longer trips. But she wasn't feeling anticipation now, because she'd made the mistake of doing some research. Arian was right: New Frontier was currently a hell planet. The fuel market had completely collapsed for some reason, and while civilization hadn't gone full apocalyptic, it wouldn't be long before they got there. Their sister had gone to that place, and now they had to follow.

Great. Cool. Awesome and not at all terrifying.

She thought about talking to Gideon about possible security measures, but by the time she had pulled herself out of her research hole and gone to talk to him, he was already out cold. That dude could sleep anywhere, anytime. Adoette had always been impressed by that, whenever she wasn't seething with jealousy over it.

She was definitely seething now. Sleep would be really great, but instead she was lying among her blankets and staring up at the ceiling as if it could somehow help her.

Great. Just great.

Adoette sighed and hauled herself back out of bed. Maybe there was some sleep tea in the pantry. She knew Tola liked it. Adoette herself wasn't sure if it actually worked or it was just a placebo, but she was past caring. She'd take the placebo if it meant she could sleep.

She shuffled down to the kitchen, boiled the water, and tossed in the tea bags. As she waited for it to brew, she stared at the box, her tired brain trying to register what the ingredients were and whether or not any of those herbs actually did anything. As she did, she heard someone else moving around. Adoette frowned and tried to catch sight of whoever else was still awake. Whoever it was, they were out of sight before she got a good look.

Okay, fine, keep being a weird cryptid. Whatever.

Adoette should've let it go. It was late. She needed to drink her tea and go back to bed. But, by the time it was done brewing and cooled enough to drink, she found that she was still feeling nosy. The question of who else was up and why was nagging away at her. So, she went looking.

Their space home wasn't as big as it looked from the outside. She knew objectively that it was pretty big for a ship, but in terms of actual space they lived in and not the spaces that housed all the ship's guts, it wasn't that bad. The hallways themselves were not so labyrinthine as to be confusing, and laid out in a logical manner. This layout meant she was able to narrow down where her sibling might have gone and started looking. She found the sibling by the time her tea was done.

It was Helen. She'd stopped to sit on the floor, her back braced against a wall, staring off into the middle distance with a weird look in her eyes.

"...you okay?" Adoette asked.

Helen winced as if startled, looked up. It looked like she'd been crying. That puffiness around her eyes directly contradicted her reply: "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Why are you still up?"

"Dunno. Couldn't sleep. Also, I'm pretty sure you're not fine." Adoette sat down next to her. "You know we're not kids anymore, right? You don't have to lie to me. If you're not fine, I want to know."

Helen didn't look at Adoette, either, instead staring at the opposite wall as if the answers would appear over there. "...I don't know what to do," she said finally. "Not just...about the fact that Cassandra's missing. I just feel like something happened to make them leave. Like something's gone wrong, you know? I don't know what. She stopped talking to me before..."

Helen trailed off. Adoette frowned slightly. To say that was confusing was an understatement. Helen and Cassandra weren't exactly joined at the hip kind of twins, but they were close. Everyone in this family was close, and there was a big difference between not worrying people excessively by saying they're fine and not talking at all, period. If Cassandra was shutting down...

"Did something else happen? Aside from Mom and Dad?"

"I don't know. I don't know if she was talking to the others, but..." Helen rubbed her eyes. "She was there, but it felt like she wasn't. She was impatient a lot, got angry easily, and didn't like it when I tried to ask her about what was up. And then one day she wasn't there at all. And now she's gone out too far, and she might be hurt..."

The tears welled up in Helen's eyes as she spoke. Adoette's own chest felt tight as she wrapped an arm around Helen's shoulders. It hurt seeing Helen cry, the same way it hurt to see your parents crying. It wasn't right. Nothing should ever make her cry.

"I don't usually advocate for this kind of thing, but...did she leave anything behind? Anything...like one of her diaries?" Cassandra was big on journaling and diaries—had been for as long as Adoette had known her. Pen and paper, too, nothing digital. If there was anyone who knew what was going on with her, it was one of those diaries. "Maybe..."

Helen shook her head. "No, just the old ones. Trust me, I checked. I feel horrible about it, but..."

"Don't be. This is an emergency situation. You wouldn't read it otherwise." If there was ever a time to read a sibling's deepest personal thoughts, it was when they'd gotten all distant and weird and then vanished without a trace. "You know we're going to find her, right?"

Helen smiled weakly. "I want to believe that, I really do, but...it's hard. It's really hard sometimes." She had to rub her eyes again. "It just feels like everything has gone wrong lately. Everything is falling apart and I think..."

She didn't finish the sentence, but Adoette had a feeling she knew what that thought was going to be: I think it's my fault.

Of course she blamed herself. That was the burden of being the oldest, she supposed.

But damn if Adoette was going to let Helen bear the whole thing alone.

"It's not your fault," she said, wrapping her arm more tightly around Helen's shoulders. "I promise, it's not."

Helen didn't say anything; she just leaned into the embrace.

Despite Adoette telling her sister that things beyond her control weren't her own fault, she found herself feeling some of that guilt. Not so much for Cassandra vanishing, but more for not realizing how bad things were. If this had been related to Mom and Dad dying, then she hadn't seen it. She'd thought that everyone was okay—as okay as you could when you'd lost both your parents.

But apparently the cuts ran deeper than she thought. And she hadn't been there to try and help. Maybe there wouldn't have been anything she could have done to help, but maybe there could've been, and the what-ifs were starting to gnaw at her. For all she knew, she was lucky it was just Cass who'd gone missing. It could've been some of the others...maybe all of them...maybe...

Don't focus on the past, Adoette. Just focus on what you can do here and now.

That was all she could do.

That was all any of them could do.

"We'll get her back," Adoette repeated.

They had to get her back.