[✔] White over Red (boyxboy)

֍CHAPTER 47: Kirill's Monologue (part 2)

That moment when I looked at him, I no longer recognised him. Which side of him was true? And which side was false? Was he not sincere from the beginning? Was he always this selfish? Was he always this bad? But isn't that what got me interested in him in the first place? Me knowing that he is a bad guy. I already knew that he's bad. But for him to let Kliment die like that, I really couldn't bring myself to forgive him.

I know that he gave me an ultimatum. It was like him putting Maxim's life in my hands. I have the choice to ensure another human being ends up alive or dead. The burden is too heavy. Can I not choose? No. I have to choose.

I choose to fuck it all.

In split seconds, I got up and ignored my body's weakness. Adrenaline pumping in my veins. I grabbed the black hoodie that was left on the floor closest to my side, bolted out of the room and ran straight out of the back door. "Kirill!!!" I could hear Stepan's shouting behind me but I didn't look back. I did what I do best; running. I ran into the unfamiliar woods behind the cabin, ignoring the temptation of looking over to find where Kliment's body could be buried. I ran barefooted and not wearing any pants. The late autumn cold air pierced my skin directly but I ignored it too. I needed the pain. I needed the numbness. I needed to stay sober. So I kept running into the darkness.

I could hear the rapid footsteps that were following me. It meant that I wasn't running fast enough. But that only made sense since I'm dead tired already. I wanted to give up. As this thought hit my head, I reached the edge of a cliff and I stopped running. I put on the oversized black hoodie and only looked down the ravine that was flowing dangerously below. I started to feel the pain on my feet. I knew they must be bleeding by now. I'm cold and I'm in pain. But I'm deeply attracted to the ravine below me. I'm tired of it all. I'm damn tired of it all. I was breathing heavily. But the sound of my breathing is swallowed by the sound of the ravine. I'm at the edge and only one step could be the death of me.

"Kirill," I heard Stepan calling out to me from behind me. I didn't even hear the footsteps approaching me as I'm compelled by the sight and the sound of the ravine. It was calling me, tempting me.

I turned around to look at Stepan who appeared to be calm but I could still see the madness and obsession in his eyes. I should have noticed them before. "Please... Stepan, let me go," I started to beg while tears flowed down my face uncontrollably. This is the first time that I realised how much fate is out of my control. And this is the first time that I feel afraid of someone so much that it sent chills down to my bone.

"Come with me," Stepan stretched out his hand towards me. "I will not let you go. Not even if you die," he said in a voice that prominently exhibits domination.

I looked at the hand that was stretched out to me. I didn't know what to do. Both sides were welcoming me. The monster in front of me and the deadly ravine behind me. They were both dangerous. They were both evil. They were also equally tempting and beautiful. What is wrong with me? How could I still be attracted to them when I know how deadly they are? There must be something wrong with me. I looked into the eyes of the monster in front of me, feeling deep hatred and deep longingness at the same time. Why? Why do things that are supposed to be beautiful turn out this way? Why is it that all beautiful things are lies? Why is it that this person in front of me is a liar? Why is he an evil soul?

"Take my hand. Or I guarantee you, no one you care about in this world will live a peaceful life," Stepan started to threaten. A few silhouettes began to appear from behind him. Stepan's good friends, Andre, Stanley, and Alberto were there now along with a few bodyguards. They looked worried but calm. It was as if they knew that I had no choice but to surrender.

"Kirill, think about Kliment. Don't you think he deserved a proper burial, at the very least?" Stanley persuaded. At this moment, I realised that only me and him are the two souls among these people who actually had any sentiments at all over Kliment's death. Only the two of us felt betrayed. But both of us also had no choice but to be played by the strings wrapped around Stepan's fingers.

He was the mastermind. He was in control. He was the only one who would get anything he wanted. So, should I give him what he wants?

I am surrounded and I of course have nowhere to run. You give him a proper burial, Stanley. At least, I know I can rely on you for that. I turned back around to look down into the darkness of the ravine below me. I have made many mistakes in my life but none greater than my choice to come here and trust the wrong people. This is the end of my story.

And no. I'm not going to let Stepan have things his way. I'll end it my way.

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Next update: 2022/12/16 

*Author's Note: Refer to Chapter 45 if you wonder where the hell did that black hoodie come from. Hmm. What do you think Kirill will do? -K