unidentified | billie eilish fanfiction

TWENTY - FOUR: the list

billie

the other day violet and i were on a call and she told me she had a surprise for me. we both agreed i'll meet her at her apartment then she'll take me to her surprise. which explains why i knocked on her door this tuesday afternoon. and knocked once again then ringed the door bell, then ringed the door bell again. i was about to leave when..

"who the fuck is it!" she yelled, and swung the door open. lips swollen, hair all over the place, a silk robe attached to her body and her holding it in place with her hand.

"sorry i didn't know you had company." i nodded once before walking away.

"billie! come back!" she yelled after me. "billie!" she repeated when i ignored.

"no violet really it's okay, we never said you can't go and fuck someone else, we didn't make rules. you didn't do anything wrong."

i called an uber that was arriving in ten minutes, i'll get in and in another ten i'll be at home. i sat in the lobby and waited. three minutes passed and a very beautiful women walked past me muttering under her breath "bitch". now i don't know who she meant, me or violet but i'm gonna assume she doesn't know who i am and she meant violet.

"you're here." violet was in front of me. when did she get here?

"no i'm not, i'm waiting for my uber." i shook my head.

"i'm sorry you didn't have to see that, i forgot that we made plans." she sighed.

"maybe claudia was right." i whispered.

"no, no she wasn't." violet sat next to me. "let's just talk, we'll make the rules, all the rules you want to make. i'll agree to all of them."

"if i told you all the rules i want to say, you wouldn't agree to all of them." i refuse to look at her.

"would you just look at me?"

"i already did and i can't." i shook my head. "your lips are swollen, your hair is a mess and you smell like sex." i said, she was trying to find her words. "if you want to talk to me find another time, just not right now. my ride is here." i stood up and got into my uber.

☆☆☆

i think that everyone has their special person. mom has dad, claudia has finneas, tytus probably has a best friend at the park, drew has been talking to her special someone lately, everyone i know has their special someone. even though one person might be so close to you, they can still have this connection with someone else that is way stronger. some people may call them soulmates even.

you can hang out with your best friend all day and still the moment she's gone, you can still think to yourself am i not good enough? she has another person that she loves more than me. it's not even in a jealous way, it's just why can't i have what they have with that other person?

and sometime it's not just about love relationships. sometimes it's about friendships, you think you have this friend group where everyone loves everyone, but someone will always prefer someone over the other. two of them might be best friends, one might always call the other then add another in the call, and another in the call, and somehow you were the one left behind. you have so much fun with them when you hang out but once you have a bad day or your period is about to make you bleed out of your vagina and you're emotional. you start to think and look back and actually see how left out you are. your closest friend, the closest person to you, you may even call them your best friend, has a best friend that isn't you.

maybe it's all in my head. maybe i think way too much but it's how i feel that matters. it hurts sometimes knowing im not someone's first choice. i want to have that special someone, is that too much to ask for?