unidentified | billie eilish fanfiction

FOURTY: trapped

violet

"i have to take this call." i told billie, who was resting her head on my chest while we watched the office. she responded by only lifting her head, i got up and went into her bedroom, closed the door then answered.

"your father is now aware of your sexuality." alfred informed me.

"and..." i said.

"he has sent even more men to look for you." he replied.

"no he didn't." i shook my head. "he supposed to be backing off."

"he wants to talk to you." alfred said.

"well i don't want to talk to him." i blinked. "can't he fucking just leave me alone?"

"you how mr. astor can be like. he won't stop till he gets what he wants." he explained.

"i'm aware, alfred. he's my father." i sighed. "can't i just fucking kill him? it's the only fucking way he'd leave me alone. assuming he won't come back to haunt me."

"not a smart idea miss wilson." he replied.

"is that all you called to tell me?" i questioned.

"yes." he replied.

"alright then, until next time i guess." i hung up the phone. i sighed and sat on billie's bed, holding my head with my palms.

"violet? can i come in?" billie knocked on the door a few minutes later.

"yeah." i replied.

"is everything okay?" she asked.

"i don't know." i sighed.

"let me guess." she started. "you can't me tell what's going on."

"my father is now aware that i like women." i told her.

"were you just talking to him?" she asked, siting beside me on the bed.

"no."

"then you were outed?" she frowned, confused and concerned.

"yes and no." i answered.

"okay." she nodded once. "do you want to.. talk about it?"

"not really, i just need you to hold me for a little bit." i shook my head. if she's all i have then i have to hold on to her for as long as she will allow me to. as long as she wants me to be hers and her to be mine, i have to cherish every moment with her. i have a feeling that she's slowly slipping away. she won't handle the secrecy.

she held me tightly as if she was scared i was slipping away. if only "slipping away" wasn't just an expression we would be okay. i think i might be squeezing her too tight.

i think i made a mistake. a big mistake, the kind that will effect me for the rest of my life. maybe i should have stuck with my gut that told me to run away. hurt her before you hurt her even more, and now i am going to scar her if i hurt her again.

the kind of scar that still kind of hurts after it's fully healed. but for me... i'll never heal. i don't think we'll survive this, i want us to, but we can't.