From Vows to Forever

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟗: 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬

"Your touch, a gentle breeze of love,
Our souls entwined, like a hand in glove.
With every heartbeat, our bond grows strong,
Forever together, where we belong."

It was time for us to go on our honeymoon. I was feeling bitter about it, and I wanted to ask anyone just why we were going. It's not like we are two lovebirds looking to spend some time alone. Then why?

All my luggage was packed and ready to go, except me. I was not ready; I have really bad trust issues.

What if he is not doing anything because our family is here? What if he touches me when we are away? So many what-ifs

All I wanted was to sit and cuddle in my soft blanket and binge-eat a lot of candy. And apply to Lasalle again for my post-graduation.

I got in for my graduation, that too, on scholarship. But my dad didn't let me go. I mean, I knew he wouldn't let me go. But I still wanted to apply. He didn't let me go because he thought I wasn't mature enough.

I did everything right and beat myself up to be the best, all for nothing. He was the one who forced me to apply abroad, all to break my heart. When all my sweat and tears came through and I achieved my goal.

I had to settle for a little university in India. I hate him so much. But I had planned that once I get a job and earn enough, I will apply to Singapore again and fund my own postgraduate degree.

My life came to a halt because, because of that, all my cousins were smarter than me. And went abroad for their studies, while I got an acceptance letter, which my dad made me reject. That day was the worst day of my whole life.

I was never the smartest person among my cousins. Though I always had an eye for design and creativity, that was what I was good at. But a girl in my family is looked at for how beautiful she is, how smart she is, and how tall she is. And my not fitting into these categories made me a cast-out.

I had always loved my own company, since I never had friends I could trust or someone who would listen to me. I once had a best friend, though, and all she did was rant out her problems to me rather than listen to mine. That's how I stopped showing or talking about what I felt with anyone. And focused on making a career and achieving my goals.

It's not that graduating from the small university affected my abilities. I still got a good job at one of the top-paying companies. But all my dreams had shattered, and it left me lonely.

And I don't care if Ayaan doesn't allow me. I will run away and complete my education. I will not let men rule over my life anymore. I am done, so done.

"Nyesa, can you give me your charger? I need to charge my phone." Meena (my small sister) asks me, and I shake my head no. "We are leaving in half an hour, and I need to charge my phone to 100%. Go check with mom and dad; maybe they have a spare charger."

"Why are you disrespecting them? Why do you keep disrespecting everyone around you?" She shouted, and I looked at her confused and started thinking, 'When was I disrespectful?'

"How did I disrespect them? What could I have said that was more respectful? And you're the one preaching to me about respect when you don't respect me, your elder sister." I'm a little angry, and that's the truth after all.

"Well, you don't deserve respect," she screams and walks out of my room. And I start to overthink; I mean, it is true. I have never really been respected by anyone in the house; why would she respect me?

Some people are fated to never be respected; maybe I am one of them. I mean, it makes sense why she would say that; my dad insults me like I don't have dignity or any self-respect, and my mom doesn't respect my decisions. And my sister, well, I never received the elder sister respect I should have, and it's all my fault; I was not a good daughter, sister, or friend.

I am naive enough to keep talking and showing love to people who don't love me back. Just to receive maybe an ounce of love back, but I never do.

30 minutes passed like that, with me overthinking away in hiding from Ayaan. Soon I was bombarded with calls from almost every family member. I didn't pick up anyone's call; I just got up and walked back to the main area.

All my and his family members were there, and Ayaan was touching my parents feet and taking blessings from all the elders. I also received blessings from all the elders. Before me and Ayaan had to get going in the black Mercedes waiting for us,

All of them looked expectantly at me, but I only hugged all my cousins, my grandmas, and my Nanu goodbye and sat in the car. I didn't receive enough love from any of them to actually cry about leaving them. Actually, I don't care about them anymore; my family broke me and ripped my soul apart, leaving me nothing to hold onto.

After a second, Ayaan got in the seat beside him and told the driver to drive to the airport. We sat in silence while I clutched the tote bag tighter with each minute.

"Are you ok?" Ayaan asks me, "You know what she said wasn't true? You deserve all the respect in the world; don't let her words bother you." I look up at him, surprisingly.

"I'm not bothered by it; I'm used to the insults everyone throws at me. After all, I deserve it." I whispered the last part, but he heard it. I look down at my lap, fidgeting with the handle of my tote bag.

I feel hands under my knees and behind my back, and he suddenly places me on top of his lap, and I shriek, but it's muffled under his hands as he "sshhs" me.

"Why do you feel that way, baby? Just because someone said it, do you believe it?" He asked me as if I were a two-year-old, and he was explaining something.

"I can't tell you that," I said, and suddenly feeling tired, I kept my head on his shoulder. "Ok, maybe when you trust me." He says it, and I nod mindlessly. He shifts himself a little so I can make myself comfortable on his lap.

And just like that, I fell asleep in his embrace for the second time.