BL I don't want to reincarnate!

Chapter 5

"Please Master... Could you stop wandering around? I don't want the Duke to get mad at you."

I nodded but the next second I disappeared again. Having run out of hiding places inside the mansion, I hid in the gardens this time. I sat down in the grass and brought my knees closer to my chest. While I was sitting there I started thinking and soon decided that it was now or never. I couldn't gather any money in days so I just had to run away first and think about the money later. I would be fine.

Another idea was for me to rush back to Ephraim's study and steal that painting. Even if I did steal it, I wouldn't have the heart to sell it so I could steal anything else but I was way too scared of running into that madman again. Even behind a bush I could feel his eyes piercing through my bones. This made me shutter. Stop thinking about it. He couldn't see me here. I was fine.

But thinking about his frown made my hands shake and I couldn't take it anymore. It was out of the question for me to stay here any longer. I looked up and tried measuring the size of the fence by eye. It must have been at least two meters but that didn't discourage me at all. I stood up and rubbed my hands before walking closer to the stone. I was ready to climb the fence when I suddenly heard a branch crack behind me. Had Ephraim felt that I was up to something? How could he figure it out? I just had the idea myself! I turned around so quickly that I hurt my head against the stone:

"Who's there?

-I'm sorry!"

A tiny blond head bowed in front of me. Actually she bowed so deeply that she was tasting the ground at this point:

"I didn't want to scare you, I am so sorry..."

The tiny creature continued shaking in front of me and I had no idea what to do. It kind of felt like I was bullying a child at this point and I had to apologize:

"Hum... It's okay, I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I'm just very jumpy lately. But don't kneel in the mud. Get up. Please."

I tried helping her up but seeing her flinch at my touch made me immediately let go.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched you.

-No! It's okay. I just..."

The young girl's head jerked up and I could finally see her face. However when our eyes met she went back to being shy and looked back at her feet:

"I just didn't want to inconvenience you... I'm sorry..."

Wait a second. Was I being paranoid at this point or did she really have red eyes? She had red eyes. Blond hair, red eyes... She was Arora, Sliske and Ephraim's child. There was no doubt possible.

"Arora?"

The latter flinched again. Why was she so scared? She didn't appear a lot but I saw her during Ephraim's backstory moment. I never really cared about people's backstories in stories so I usually skipped them. But even if I hadn't read the backstory, I would have realized that this young girl looked an awful lot like her parents. Her eyes actually looked way too much like Ephraim's for me to be comfortable and I was shaking too now. Calm down. She wasn't Ephraim. She wouldn't hurt me. I was fine. She was more scared than me.

But was it even possible for this child to have blond hair and red eyes? I hadn't studied genetics so I had no idea but if Arora had red eyes shouldn't she also have white hair? I was lost but it wasn't that important. Who cared what her eyes looked like? As long as she wasn't like her father.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to bother you but I heard that you were sick and I got worried... I wanted to come before but I... I didn't..."

How could I have been scared of this sweet soul? I hated children but this one was kind of touching. She looked so miserable that I felt my heart break. I had completely forgotten about this girl because of everything that had happened. Sliske wasn't Ephraim's only victime. The latter neglected his daughter the same way and this tiny child would have been left alone with that monster if I had run away.

Wait a second. Was I already wavering? Stupid Acheron. I really hated myself. Why did I have to have such a good heart? But it was stronger than me. I just couldn't leave this kid here by herself. I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror if I did and I would come back sooner or later for her. So might as well stay. Right? Right... I still hated myself.

"Arora, thank you for being worried about me."

Her head jerked up again and she looked at me with big round eyes.

"You... Could you please say it again?"

I sighed. She was only six years old... She was still so young. Poo baby, she looked so happy when "her father" thanked her. Ephraim wasn't the only one that hurt this kid. Because Sliske hated this marriage, he neglected his daughter too and Arora grew up in the shadows before being killed by her own dad. And as Ephraim's sword pierced through her stomach, Arora smiled. She died happily because her father finally paid attention to her. It was so sad that I wanted to cry. She shouldn't stay in this family. Couldn't I send her to the hero? He would know how to make her happy.

"Thank you so much for coming to me, Arora."

I knew what she needed to hear and it felt bad that she wasn't hearing it from her real father. But she didn't need to know that:

"I am so happy that you were born."

Arora started shaking, trying to hold her tears in.

"I am so sorry, Arora. I haven't been the best father have I?

-No! It's okay, I..."

She really started crying and I followed soon after. It felt horrible and good at the same time. If only someone could have told me this too.

"It isn't. I know that I have no excuse and you have every right to hate me if you want. I should have been there for you. I should have been there during your highest and your lowest. I should have been your role model, I should have been your shield. But I wasn't any of that and I am really ashamed. It must have been very hard for you..."

I felt like Arora needed an explanation. In reality Sliske was just selfish but I refused to say that. I had to come up with something better.

"Maybe there were days when you felt as if you did something wrong or that you had to be perfect but that isn't true. You didn't do anything wrong, Arora."

I had trouble keeping my voice from shaking.

"It was all on me and there is nothing that you could have done. I think I was terrified of being a bad parent. I was so scared of that that I preferred running away. I am a coward. It's always easier to fail when you haven't tried but as I was laying in my sick bed I realized that not trying was worse than failing. I am so sorry for the past and you don't have to forgive me but I would love to try being a good father. I want to fail and learn with you if that's okay."

The little child started crying and she jumped into my arms. She was clinging to me so fiercely that my tears doubled.

"Dad..."

I couldn't bear to tell her the truth.

"Yes. Dad is here. It's okay. I am here now. It will all be okay. I won't leave you."

I felt bad saying this. There was nothing wrong with the lies before but how would she react if I disappeared now? Wouldn't she crumble? I couldn't let this child die. I had to protect her but what would happen if Sliske came back? Would she be neglected again? I had to find her a good family. I couldn't leave her here. I could stay a bit more. I could do multitasking. I could divorce, find a way to go back to my world and find new parents for this kid at the same time. It was better than laying in that bed for the whole day.

"Everything will be fine. You won't be ignored anymore."

Arora clung to me for a very long time and I couldn't feel my neck anymore but I didn't have the heart to push her away. Therefore I just let her cry her eyes out. She accumulated those tears for her whole life and I knew that she would feel better after.

After half an hour she did stop, her eyes doubled and her face red. She didn't have any tears left but continued hiccuping every three seconds. I wiped her face gently and gave her time to calm down. I wanted to tell her that I loved her but I was crying myself and couldn't say anything.

Therefore we just stared at each other, tears flowing down our faces and our breathings all over the place. Taking a step back, I was grateful that I couldn't talk. That moment felt way more powerful thanks to our mutual silence. We understood each other and we didn't need to say anything more.