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─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
the morning of percy jackson's funeral donned bright and sunny, and maddie hated it.
the early morning light seeped it's way like intangible mist into cabin three, waking maddie in the process. her sleep was weak, and she was glad to escape the prison where her thoughts were twice as loud that was her bed.
all through the night, the image of annabeth's face looming close to hers haunted her dreams. every time she closed her eyes, the image of annabeth's hair between her fingers, the soft curve of her hip in maddie's hand, the cool brush of her hand against maddie's cheek flashed into her mind like an old movie.
she knew it wasn't exactly a sin, kissing a girl. silena had told her that the feelings were normal. but even so, maddie could feel a voice hiss through her ear, telling her how wrong it was, that annabeth was going to feel like maddie was using her, how fucked-up maddie's head probably was, because who kisses their best friend? that's just wrong.
and no matter how hard she tried, she could not shake the feeling of another's lips brushing against her own. she had never imagined her first kiss would be shared with someone forbidden, someone who she was only supposed to see as a friend. the thought alone made her want to claw at her hair and scream; why were feelings so complicated?
as maddie stared out of the window, her arms tucked into her hoodie as she watched camp slowly come to life for another day, she thought about how many more sunrises she was going to have to face by herself. how many jokes she could no longer share with percy, how many nights she wouldn't fall asleep peacefully knowing he was there, and how many years she was going to have to face by herself.
be strong, a voice inside her head told her. you have to be strong now. if not for you, then for mom, and everyone else who lost percy with you.
but for now, in the quiet solicitude of cabin three, maddie could let her walls down and be the weak girl that had lost her twin.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
when maddie trudged up to the big house later that morning, it took only two things for chiron to realize that she had given in; the look on her face, and the words that came out of her mouth.
"he's really gone, isn't he?"
maddie felt like her twelve year old self again as she stood on the porch of the big house, just as weak and helpless as she did back then. chiron immediately rushed forward, bringing maddie into his arms. he muttered comforting words, and maddie knew he was only trying to help, but she couldn't bring herself to appear as grateful as she felt. that energy had seeped away many days ago.
chiron sat her down with a cup of tea, and gently asked her when she would like to hold the funeral.
"today," she answered at once. "i want to get it over with."
