Sometimes Hate is Enough

Chapter 03

Khushi

 
"It doesn't matter anymore. I...can't marry you." Jiji said as she slightly choked on her words and her hand tightened around mine.

"Payaliya..." Amma whispered slowly as she touched Jiji's shoulder, but Jiji stood her ground and kept looking at Jijaji.

I tried to say something to Jiji, but Arnav Ji spoke up, and I felt my throat tighten. So I gently squeezed her hand, assuring her that I'm here. That I'm always with her. No matter what she decides.

"Bhai, Please. You've done enough." Jijaji snapped at Arnav Ji without looking at him, then turned to Jiji, and all the anger in his eyes turned into a silent plea.

"Payal Bitiya. It's a very big decision to take in such a hurry. Let's talk this out." Nani Ji said. Her voice worried as she halted near and glanced at the two of us, but her eyes stayed on me for another second before she turned them back on Jiji.

"I'm really sorry, Dadi. I really am. But...there's nothing left to talk about. Especially not after what Arnav Ji did." Jiji replied after a moment of silence. "I can't let you all continue to insult my family at every turn. And all this...is hard for me too, Dadi. But I also have my limits." Nani stared at her for a moment before looking down and nodding.

I bit on my lower lip to stop myself from tearing up and squeezed her hand before she slowly turned to Jijaji and stared at him for a few seconds. Then she let go of my hand and reached to untie the knot that was holding them together.

"Payal... Please..." Jijaji pleaded as she tried to untie the knot but failed. "Please, don't do this... I love you."

Jiji stopped as he finished and looked at him for half a second before slightly looking over her shoulders at me and softly saying, "Khushi?"

"Hmm?" Was all I could manage to do.

"Help me...with this. Please..." She said it quietly as her voice shook, and she looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. Jiji...

I took in a shuddering breath as I nodded twice and walked between her and Jijaji while shaking as both my chest and throat tightened so much that it literally started to hurt. Physically.

"Khushi..." Jijaji called me from my right, but I didn't look at him and focused on untying the knot. "Di...Dadi... Please tell her to stop."

"Hello-Hi-Bye-Bye! If you didn't want to get married, then did you say yes and waste so much of our precious time and money?" Mami Ji said it from somewhere behind me as I finished untying it and continued her talk as Mama Ji tried to calm her down.

"Payaliya, are you sure?" Bua Ji asked as she turned Jiji to face her and looked into her eyes.

When she nodded, Bua Ji let go of her arm and motioned for Amma to go to Babu Ji. Then she turned to Jiji, took her hand in hers, and started to walk to the door before stopping in front of Mami Ji.

"We will make sure to compensate you for the waste of your precious time and money." Bua Ji said this without looking at her and walked out.

I looked up at Jijaji for one last time before walking backwards and saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't want this to happen."

He just nodded before taking a step back, turning on his feet, and going straight upstairs.

*
 
 

I opened the door to our bedroom, peaked inside, and found Jiji standing near the window in a pale blue Salwar Kamez while air was blowing through her dupatta and hair every now and then.

I would have given her some more time alone, but if I hadn't come inside now, Amma and Bua Ji would have, and they wouldn't give Jiji the space she needed right now, and I also needed to change out of this lehenga. So, I took a deep breath before opening the door a little more and trying to enter as quietly as possible.

"You can enter normally, Khushi. It's fine." Jiji said as I closed the door slowly and turned to stare at her back as her shoulders slumped down with a heavy sigh she released.

I walked up to her and hugged her from behind by wrapping my arms around her neck and resting my chin on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I again broke your wedding." I heard myself speak before I could stop. "I'm really sorry."

Jiji touched my arm to loosen my grip on her and turned to face me with her eyes hooded and sad. And it broke my heart to see her like this.

"You did the right thing. It would have made me very angry if you had said yes... to Arnav Ji for my happiness." Jiji said as she leaned back against the window sill and took both my hands in hers and stared at it.

I sniffed through my nose as tears started to prickle the back of my eyes before gently squeezing her hand, and she looked up at me. Her eyes looked like an empty void.

"Thank you." Her voice broke while her lips parted, showing a small tremble. "For...for standing with me. For holding my hand whenever I needed it."

"Jiji.." I said as I felt warmth sliding down my cheeks while Jiji bowed her head enough to hide her face.

"I can't forget the look... on his face when I told him that I...I couldn't marry him. I...can't forget it." Jiji said as she slightly shook her head and finally looked up at me as her eyes glittered with tears. "His voice is still ringing in my ears. I...I almost looked over my shoulder the first time but... then I realized that he's not actually here."

I freed my hands from her as a tear slid down her eyes and hugged her.

"I'm sorry. I'm...really sorry that you're in so much pain because of me." I said as tears fell from my eyes while I choked on my words. "I'm sorry."

After almost an hour of crying, Jiji finally calmed down a little. When I made her lay down on the bed, she didn't protest but was awfully quiet. I gently ran my fingers through her hair to help her fall asleep, but after some time, she whispered my name so quietly that I had to bend my head down to hear her.

"Khushi?" She again called me.

"Hmm?"

But she stayed silent for so long that I thought she wouldn't say anything or that she might have fallen asleep since her eyes were closed the whole time. As I was about to move back and lean against the headboard, she again spoke up.

"He didn't force you to do anything, did he?" It took me a minute to understand what she was talking about.

"No." I paused. "He didn't."

"You're not lying, right?" She inquired again.

"No, I'm fine." I said. "Now, sleep. You need it." And I leaned over to kiss her forehead.

She murmured something softly as she drifted away. While I stared at the ceiling and everything that happened today finally started to sink in. And that old but familiar heaviness inside me spread as a single question continued to rise again and again, no matter how much I tried to shove it away.

How did I fall in love with him?