Sometimes Hate is Enough

Chapter 17

Arnav

We always say things like, I won't do this.. I won't do that. And it's not because we actually know better. But because we think, we know better. We think we have control over everything, but the facts are completely opposite and very simple... We have no control.

An hour ago, I was going to do everything to fix my broken family. I was ready to do anything. But what I didn't know was that there are things that you can't do even if you hold the power. All my life, I made sure that I got what I wanted and what my family needed without caring what my actions might do to others.

But today... today my actions are the reason why the family is falling apart.

For the last twenty-eight hours, Nani has talked only when necessary. Di has talked to everyone out of the goodness of her heart. Mami has been sulking around. And Akash's not talking to anyone. Only Mama is normal... He's doing exactly what he always did: not being there. And I should be the one to bring everyone together, but I'm too conceited to take the first step and talk.

Since the day after the wedding broke, all I have been doing is regretting the choices I made and the things I've said. But I was never the sole reason. Everyone had their part in breaking the wedding, but as soon as they found an opportunity to blame it all on me, they did. But I avoided that and have apologized. But that earned nothing. So I'm done with all this regret.

If the people I care for cannot understand that all I have done and have been doing is to protect them, then I don't want to do it again. I also have my limits, and I have had enough.

Although I agree that I am at fault, but not entirely. The whole family also played a part in the wedding. But the actual reason was Khushi. If she had told everyone about Shyam's truth as soon as she knew instead of meddling in between, then a lot of things wouldn't have happened. Chum...

Why do I keep hearing that sound? Is it because I... I miss her?... or have feelings for her?

I shook my head both in denial and in trying to get those thoughts out of my head.

But if she had told me or anyone in the family, would we have believed her?... Of course, we would have. I... I would have.

Always trying to be the good one, the saint. Chum...

God... I pressed my palm over my left ear to stop the sound. Why am I hearing it? Why can't I just... Chum-chum-chum... I pressed my other hand on my ear and closed my eyes while breathing heavily. Stop it. Just stop it.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and immediately dropped my hands, suddenly aware of what I was doing. How ridiculous I must have looked.

I turned to see Mami standing there with a worried look on her face as she stared down at me, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Are you alright, Arnav Bitwa?" She asked as I turned my gaze away from her and looked down before rubbing my face.

I nodded as I again looked up to face her and asked, "You needed something?"

She stared at me with a look in her eyes before blinking a few times and turning to the pool before slowly nodding her head. What do she and I have to talk about?