Separated But Married

Mission: Winning her trust back.

Lizzy....

Mom always used to say, "If you are really doing efforts for someone and they can't see that, you better leave doing everything for them."

I'm done now! I'm not a woman who back out easily but this time, it's different.
I can't live like this.... I just can't!

The feeling of being unloved, left out by my husband, my only best friend is killing me from inside.

Ryan's words are still echoing inside my head and that's eating me now inch by inch. He doesn't feel my need.

What was my fault?

He saved me from being humiliated by his so called Ex and that just for his reputation and the business.

I don't know what's happening to me but I can't afford to have this anymore!

Seeing him smiling has always left me with immense happiness likewise today.
The way we were laughing like there was no other world existed for us. It was just us. His smile.... His smirk..... His happiness.... I mean the whole him....

I can't deny my feelings anymore and yes, I'm in love with this brat womanizer. I tried. Trust me, I tried everything. From ignoring him to the line of hatred, I did it all. But I ended up falling for him. Yes, I'm in love with my best friend, my husband. I love him but I failed to save my heart when all he did was break it into pieces.

Every time!

He crushed my hope of living a happy married life with my husband. He crushed my dream of being loved and appreciated by my husband. To have a beautiful life. That every girl dreams of.

I know I hated him. Maybe I tried but the truth is I hate this feeling of being ditched by him every time.

I still remember the first day after our marriage when I cooked for myself but Mary served him that meal by mistake and the smile, the peace, the satisfaction on his face after eating that led me to cook for him everyday. Ryan always loved it. I don't know if he ever realises the taste of my food or maybe his ignorance and hatred never led him to do so.

But I cooked for him everyday except today. I can't do this anymore. I can't hang on to this marriage when I absolutely get nothing in return. Does he really think that low of me?

I know I'm not his type and he will never love me the way I do but at least I tried showing my little gestures just to see him smiling and not getting tensed up.

His dresses, his tie, his wallet, his shoes....his laptop.... goes on....he hates doing all of these. I think he is too lazy for this. Except his business. He is lazy for the whole world. Even for his own chores. He even have a staff for arranging his personal stuff.

Like seriously?

So, one day when I returned back earlier from my meeting, it was hard for me to find out my own clothes. I tell you the closet was a whole disaster. It was all scattered, my outfits, accessory, his too. So, I decided to clean it up. I could feel the fear in Jen's eye (house help) who literally pleaded me for letting him do this. But I assured him to leave it on me from now on.

I used to place his suits on hangers which he would have to wear for the next day at night only. So that he would never doubt Jen and make his day, for real.

At least I could feel the right to be his wife.

And with small gestures, I used to find my happiness in my little world of a fake marriage. I think the marriage can never be fake, the love is.

Like Separated But Married.

But I'm tired now. Mentally, emotionally, I'm so tired. I just can't act like nothing while the truth is this marriage has given me nothing.

And today, I took my first reverse step. I took my first step of backing out from this like him.

Because he doesn't care....so do I.
I can save myself now even though it's hurting. I will save myself....

___________________________________________

Ryan....

"Thank you, Mom! I love you.... Meet you soon", and I ended up the call.

Well, I'm not backing out anymore. I'm ready to apologize and will do anything to win her trust back. I will win back my Lizz, my wife.

I felt disheartened in the morning but I deserved this. Worse than this.
I don't deserve her love. Lizz was doing everything to work on our marriage, to get at least a little appreciation by me.

She did everything just to win my love. And I was living nowhere but in my ego.
I did not notice a single thing, may be I was too busy in hating her. Hating her for something which is not even her fault.

My bad ass!!!!

So, here I go.

Mission: Winning her trust back.

And an idea just popped inside my head, I called Mom because I very well knew she would help me in this.
We have been married for the last two months and what's the first thing we missed out?

Yeah! Right....

Honeymoon!!!!

I know I'm sounding like a jerk but I don't have any options. I want to take Lizz away from all this right now so at least we could have a us time.

Just few days....where we will be away from our business world, where I could make her feel loved, where I can make her believe me again.... I don't want to lose her. I will make her laugh again. I will mend her broken heart again.
I will be the light in her darkness. I need to make her believe that I'm still her best friend, the one who never wants to leave her side.

I'm sorry Lizz, for all my deeds!!!!

So, I took help from my Mom. Firstly, she refused to forgive me after knowing my deeds but I deserve this. I deserve all the hatred.
And after a lot of requests, she got ready to give me a chance and help me out in this.

I ended the call explaining everything to her.
I clapped both of my hands in excitement, "My mom is just wow."

I love you, Mom!!!!

Now get ready wifey!

Get ready for our honeymoon. I'm not leaving you at all. I want this marriage, I want you as my wife. Just you. For this whole life journey.

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So, Ryan finally took ahead his first step while Lizzy took back her first step.

Let's see how far Ryan will go to win her back or is it just too late?😅

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Sending love,
Divya Shaily