Dark Days

More Hurting

©JRF2016

She sits there staring at her reflection in that blade. She was back and forth from staring at her reflection to pressing the blade against her skin. She just couldn't bring herself to do it; it was the coward's way out. "Shit happens, life goes on." She whispers as she was back to staring at her reflection. She hates herself, she hates the way she looks, the way she feels. Her eyes narrow in on herself as she flips the blade and pinches it between her first two fingers letting it swing back and forth in front of her. She finally flings it at the wall just as Conner walks in. It whizzes by his ear and sticks in the wall. Conner look at the blade for a second before turning to Rachel and walking over to her. "I know I'm an asshole but you ain't gotta try to kill me." Rachel smiles slightly before breaking down. Conner sits down beside her pulling her to him in a big hug, "It's okay, darlin' Conner's here." He rubs her back trying to comfort her the best he could. "I was afraid you were gonna do somethin' stupid, that's why I came back in here. I was worried about ya. Glad you threw that knife at the wall instead of doin' somethin' else." He places a light kiss on top of her head.

"Why are you always around Conner?" Reid tries to sound playful but it comes out as jealousy.

"Easy now, Sheriff, I was just checkin' up on our girl. We can't let her do anythin' stupid now can we?" Conner nods to the knife sticking out of the wall and Reid nods as some of the jealousy melts away and is replaced with concern. She was still his girl. Conner stands up and walks over to Reid slapping him on the back and winking as he nod to the knife sticking out of the wall again. "Think she's gonna be fine," Conner whisper as he slides past Reid, "Just talk to her." Reid stands there staring at that knife for a minute. "You weren't seriously considering leaving us like that were you?" Reid says with a thick coating of anger on his voice now, 'Why, why would you do something so stupid?"

"First of all Reid, I didn't actually do it," Rachel sneers at him holding up her arms showing no cuts on her skin, "Secondly, what do you and Charlie care anyway. You both hate me now. Liam's gone, you got no reason to want me anymore." Reid's face softened at those words as he looks at her with his sad eyes.

"You know that's not true and that's not fair," Rick says trying to be understanding, "Liam is not the reason I wanted to be with you. It's been two weeks and we're dealing with his loss too. We've said our goodbyes and we're trying to heal. We don't know how to do this. We need each other not to be at each other's throats." Rachel rolls her eyes.

"Did you give this lovely speech to Charlie too?"

"He's not the one still acting like the world's given him a raw deal and no one else is feeling the same. You're the one that keeps acting like you're the only one that's hurting." Reid ran a hand through his hair getting even more frustrated with her. "So, you'll talk to Conner. Confide in him, but I'm the man you supposedly love and you can't talk to me. You can't grieve the loss of OUR son with me but you'll let Conner comfort you."

"Just leave Reid, leave me alone. You and Charlie don't want to comfort me you just want to fight, just go away."

{Reid's POV} The days rolled on into another week, Rachel and I avoided each other at all times. She's at least been leaving that room. When I did see her she was with Conner, his arms wrapped around her tightly, causing the jealousy in me to rage at unbelievable limits. At least she was smiling. She still hasn't been near Liam's grave, at least not that I've seen, but I've been trying not to see her at all this week. Charlie hasn't mentioned Rachel or their conversation since the night it happened but I keep replaying her words. Something was bothering me about it and I just couldn't figure it out. 'And you believe him, huh? I'm not ready for closure; let's just leave it at that.' Why wouldn't I believe Charlie, he had no reason to lie about the conversation, did he? What could they have said to each other? Maybe instead of being angry I should go talk to Charlie. Rachel obviously wasn't going to tell me anything. I walk across the yard and spot Charlie underneath that big oak kneeling. I pick up my pace, glancing to my left and seeing Rachel with Conner again, laughing. It was good to see her with a smile on her face but I wished that I was the one that put it there and not Conner. My jealousy was starting to get the best of me now as my heart pounds away in my chest. Watching her with Conner part of me just wanted to scream while the other part was glad that someone was able to make her smile if I couldn't. I wanted to walk over to them and kiss her, stake my claim so Conner would get the message but I couldn't. Not yet, anyway. "Charlie," I shout to him as he turns to look at me and stands to his feet. He was growing and was almost as tall as me now, he was almost eye to eye with me when I was standing in front of him. "I need to talk to you about that night Rachel came to apologize to you." Charlie's head fell as he nods. "Yeah, I figured this was coming."