Dark Days

Apologies

©JRF2016

{Reid's POV} I turn and watch her walk out the bedroom door. I keep kicking myself as I fall back onto the bed, sitting there with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. What have I done? How could I be such an idiot? What was I thinking? I had a wonderful woman in Rachel and I was throwing it all away over some woman I didn't even know. Every time I close my eyes I see the sadness and the hurt that I put into my wife's eyes. Those same beautiful blue-green eyes of hers that I had fallen so deeply in love with and that I didn't know if I'd ever get lost in again. Would she be able to forgive me, could she forgive me? I didn't actually do anything wrong. It's not like I was sleeping with Lisa. She's just jealous, she's overreacting. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones raging. If I could just stay away from Lisa then I wouldn't be a jackass in her eyes anymore. I'm just trying to make this work for us; we need it now more than ever, since she's pregnant again. I hurt my sweetheart regardless and I don't know how to fix this. I fall backwards onto the bed, now staring at the ceiling, replaying everything that had happened and trying to go to sleep.

Sleep never did come and now the morning sun is shining into my eyes through the open window. I sit back up holding my hand up over my eyes and shielding them from the bright light as I stare out that window. I could hear children outside playing. I figure one of those cheery voices was Gracie and I stand up walking over to the window. I look down into our yard. Rachel was out there chasing Gracie around and she was laughing hysterically. My heart ached as I watched my wife playing outside with our daughter. She was so beautiful and so happy. I slam the curtain closed and go back over to the bed I had shared with Rachel, staring at her spot I fall face first onto it and inhale. It still smelled like her.

When I wake up it was dark and quiet. I rub my hand across my face as I sit up and my stomach growls. It was apparently late and everyone was asleep as I creep down to the kitchen. I stop in front of Gracie's door and I see Rachel lying in bed beside her. I feel a smile form on my face at the sight of my girls sleeping there, safe and sound. I notice Charlie on the other side of Gracie. My entire family is here together and I'm not included. My smile fades as I notice movement on the other side of Rachel, someone turned toward her and placed a large hand on her hip as she slept. As my eyes adjusted I realized that it was Conner beside her and a surge of jealousy shoots through me. I forgot all about being hungry as I narrow my eyes onto the man sleeping beside my wife. I could go over there right now and snatch him out of the bed and just beat the shit out of him. Instead I hurry back to our bedroom and slam the door. I turn around when it didn't make any noise. Darrick was standing in the doorway. "I see you decided to finally show your face again."

I look at him confused, "Finally?" I ask him.

"Mmm, hmm," he grunts as he nods his head, "You've been locked in here for three days. Rose keeps asking if you're okay, if you're gonna still be our Constable, Sheriff, whatever."

"Three days, huh," I ask again and he nod, "I see your brother's gotten pretty cozy with Rachel in three days." I clench my jaw as I point back toward Gracie's room. "What's going on there?"

"Nuthin'," Darrick says shifting back and forth on his feet like he always does, "Rachel loves you. She's pregnant with your kid for God's sake." I walk over to the window and stare out into the dark. "Well, she sure isn't acting like it," I was still clenching my jaw, "She's not acting like she loves me, she's not acting like my wife right now, all cozied up in the bed with my children and your brother."

"Yeah, well, neither are you. You ain't actin' like you love her; you ain't actin' like her husband. Runnin' around flirtin' with Lisa, bein' there for her when Rachel needed you," Darrick argues back, "What do you expect her do? You're killin' her inside Reid. You're the only one that don't see that." Darrick was up in my face now as he starts getting angrier and louder. "And there ain't nuthin' goin' on with her and Conner, they're friends. He's been there to help her through this mess you made because you're locked up in here feelin' sorry for yourself! She's hurtin' and all you can do is run off lookin' after some woman you don't even know, makin' sure she's okay and leavin' your wife to suffer alone! This ain't nobody's fault but your own and you know it! If you want it to work, if you want her back, you need to realize that and fix it!" I drop my head in shame. Everything he just said was true. I did need to fix this but I didn't have any idea how or where to start. The vision of Conner lying beside my girl was etched into my brain and I only got angry. That's where I should be and where I can't be right now. I'm on the outside longing to be back on the inside. I was realizing more and more how empty my life is without Rachel. How bad my life would be if I lost her. {end Reid's POV}