Do I look beautiful? Yes, yes I do...
And it's based on a true story.
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One day, sweaty af bc God wants to burn every single piece of shit he created, I went out with my best friend, Maddu, and reader-chan. That day I just wanted to have a good day and not a definitely fucked up time like other times... But... Yeah.
But it's not time for that.
The three of us were walking around Anzio... Like, you can explore it all in half an hour. But it's okay, the city is quiet, the beaches are so beautiful... And the perv duo(me and my bf) were harassing you indirectly...
"No, reader-chan would be better with this cute dress, it will bring out her legs!" Maddu exclaimed. We were in a little shop and there were so many cheap clothes...
"For fuck- DO NOT MAKE HER WEAR THAT PINK SHET!!" I screamed alarmed. No one will make my reader-chan wear pink. "Actually what about this one...?" I said taking a completely different dress. It was black with elegant red flowers on the long and sensual skirt. "Boooo! We are not here to choose a sex-dress!" Maddu said and she just shoved her pink dress at you. "Sex- What!? Bro just... What!?" I asked panicked, I'm okay doing embarassing shit but when someone brings it out like that... Lord save me! "Yeah... Like you don't wanna..." She said and she just started to make weird gestures.
"Uhm... Can I just... Choose myself what to try on?" Reader-chan said a little afraid and embarassed. The perv duo just stared at her expressionless for one moment and the second after they shrugged it all off. The two didn't realize that everyone is here just for the big shlongs. And not everyone is gay af like them. Like, really gay.
After an hour of Maddu and reader-chan trying on clothes, I was on the floor trolling Koujaku's instangram. Just... His photos, when he's trying to be all swag just bring my inner Sly out.
No, no. Not the masochist part! BAH WHATEVER!!!
Just done by my thoughts, I took you two and I dragged you out. "But now what do we do?" Reader-chan asked curious. "We actually did basically everything we could do." Said Maddu. "We took a romantic walk at the beach, we destroyed kid's castles, we stole an ice-cream from Noiz(?), we got beaten by him, we entered in an abandoned casinò (there really is an abandoned casinó 😂), we got arrested, we got harassed by some lesbians in jail, we got out, I made out with a police officer while you two were trying to not get caught, we made turn red the fountain's water, we-" "Yes, yes. We are fucking thugs and we actually took with us this little innocent lady, now. Let's go to the park!" I said.
We took a nice stroll, if with nice we mean fucking hot, worst than hell.
But finally we arrived. The park was really nice and quiet. Sadly the playground(is it called like that?) was reduced at shit but beside that, everything was beautiful. The grass neatly cut, the beautiful arrangement of flowers... It was like a fantasy place. We all sat on a bench in the shadows, in front of a little fountain. Reader-chan was between the perv duo.
We were in silence, thank God. If reader-chan heard just another little perverted word... God bless the perverted gay fucks.
But suddenly a magpie just started to talk(?). I couldn't resist... I just had to respond...!!!?!??
"CO COOOO CO COOOO" I screamed on top of my lungs. Maddu patted your shoulder in a reassuring manner. "It's... It's normal. She learned to speak with them thanks to a little family that lives on a tree near her house." She explained. I returned from the conversation. "Yeah, the husband is a big motherfucker! He always eats the big crumbs!!" I said angry. The two of you just stared at me. Even Maddu can't take my weirdeness.
But that day no one learned the truth. That was Koujaku, trying to find his little bird...
I mean, he could look down and there it is, am I right? *Ba dum tss*
Okay, okay. Sorry. Koujaku has a big fat shlong too...
After a while we decided to walk around and we found some old stairs. Of course we took some photos on them like famous actresses. It's A MOTHAFOKIN MUST!!!
After two hours we decided to go upstairs.
There was a little space. On the left there was a bush full of raspberries, on the right and on the back there were some trees and at the center, there was a lone wooden bench.
I was strangely silent and, most importantly, normal. "Oh mah Gah... This place... This place will be where I'll confess my true LOVE AND I'LL MAKE So mUCh SEx In HErE Like-" I was starting to rant but reader-chan screamed out of nowhere. The perv duo immediately looked where reader-chan was pointing.
There...
There was him, Toue...
There was Toue with his big and old sushi sword impaling a tree.
Reader-chan started to panic, becoming a blushing mess, I started to cry for my new ruined love-place(??) and Maddu was debating in her thoughts. Will she take the camera? Or will she join them? Or better, she'll just scream like she's not into that. We'll never know. Reader-chan just had an heart-attack. She was too pure to witness this.
She woke up on my red sofa, in the living-room. "Oh finally.." Maddu sighed in relief patting gently her head. "So, now will you tell us what happened?" Asked cinnamon-papa. I just went away in the bathroom whisperin' some italian shit. "Ma mannaggia il cazzo, proprio nel mio nuovo posto romantico..."
Maddu just explained briefly, she doesn't really like big, burly men...
Then she just took Awba and Sei. "Hey I really could use some brother-love here * wink wink *" And she just dragged them in my bedroom.
Reader-chan was still there, a little shaken up. Mink sat near her and he hugged her a little.
Maybe seeing Toue's old stick wasn't that bad.
You TOUGHT IT WaS fiNiSHeD!!!!
There are still some things to inform you about.
I was in the bathroom crying but then I finally found the perfect revenge. I started to text my peach-tree, informing her of everyrhing. I went out and I saw Koujaku and Noiz that were preparing some big guns. And I noticed reader-chan and Mink cuddling. "Get some tonight *wink wink*" I whispered to him. The rest of the gay squad was just everywhere, chillin' out.
Well, time to slap Sei's ass and then get beaten by everybody!
But
where
the fuck
is
Sei?
"OH NO YOU FUCKING DID NOT!!" I screamed trying to open my bedroom door but it was closed. I tried to bash my shoulder on it, I tried to kick it, I tried to trow the table at it but nothing. Then Noiz, nonchalantly took a spoon and opened the door with a swift motion.(I have a sliding door.)"You know what Noiz? If there wasn't Sei I would fuck you hard right now." I said with passion(?). Noiz nodded in aknowledgement. If there wasn't Awba, he would fuck himself nice and hard.
I entered the room and I trew my computer at- okay maybe not. There were Awba and Sei sobbing uncontrollably on the bed, while Maddu was sitting on the floor angry. "The fuck?" I just asked while Koujaku was trying to do the swagger of the situation wiggling around his big gun... *coff coff COFF*
"What the fuck, Ciacci!? They are the ukest ukes in the world!!!!" She said frustrated. I just coffed some more. "Serves you right." I said taking my sweet baby in my loving arms. But Mink just rescued him from me. Goddamn it.
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And that's it... I really hope I'll confess my tru luv to my future bae in that place 😂
And... I think the readers don't really know what the fuck is going on with my sexuality 😂
