Under Ground [1.]

🔸15🔸

What is love?

Is it just a feeling of indescribable closeness to someone or is it something more complicated?

What does it mean to love?

Does it mean to let someone know that he or she can rely on you? That you will never hurt them? Give them enough attention and make their day better with sundries?

It's difficult to explain. The heart simply loves, unconditionally, without the poison of hate, jealousy or envy.

But do I love and my heart too? That's the real question.

I was looking through Valentin like he was transparent.

Why would he want to know if I love Gabriel? I don't even know him well enough. I can't love somebody about whom I know almost nothing.

This is the second time in a couple of days that I just simply don't know the answer.

The questions are too difficult for the pea that I have instead of the brain, to find the answer with which the person who asked the question will be happy.

My thoughts fought hard in my head and I was slowly getting a regular headache.

They were repeating the dark words all over again, which unfortunately actually were partly true, but my heart refused to listen like always.

He is heartless.

A person who doesn't have feelings can't love.

He doesn't love you, why would you love him then?

The silence ruled with the room for a few minutes.

Even Natasha has silenced her painful groans so she could hear my answer. Valentin was watching me with interest, while Gabriel didn't even seem to exist at the moment.

At this point, only I was important.

If I say I love him, will that love be used as a blackmail against us both?

And if I say I don't, what then?

Currently, nothing was good enough.

I opened my mouth like I will suddenly get some kind of idea about ​love, like my heart will finally start to speak and solve my doubts.

But the heart, unfortunately, can't speak.

"So?" Valentin became impatient. This situation was so tense that everyone present could suffocate in it.

"Do you love him?" He repeated the question one more time with the curved smile on his lips gaining my attention, which was every now and then, disappearing into the fields of  imagination.

"Love is a tough word." I finally said and immediately felt the indescribable relief in the chest.

My mouth became dry and my lips chapped because of a constant biting.

Valentin didn't look like he is satisfied with this answer.

The sparks began to fly out of his eyes, threatening to burn me down once they unite.

"I'll accept that like no." Lastly, he looked at me with his murderous gaze and then left with his sister, leaving me alone with Gabriel.

What did he think now? Is he hurt or he really doesn't care about me like a subconscious has been warning me?

I sighed and tried to make the dull clouds of pessimism that swept over my head, to go away.

What did I do that from the all people in the world, who are by the way better than me, they decide to send me here?

Me, clumsy and stupid for everything else, but the map with the stars.

I should have died the day I met him.

I should have provoked him to the limit of madness where he would have wiped me out of the world without thinking twice.

But I didn't.

Anyway, he promised that I will die soon.

He promised you your own death, and you think that you love him?

Are you crazy, Kristal?

I was crazy the day I agreed to go down to this darkness and basically nothing.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes because of the fact that I'm so naïve and stupid.

I wish I had my diary with me now, this conversation between me and me again wouldn't be so awkward.

"What are you thinking about?" The voice for which I thought I would never have the opportunity to hear again, pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Why do you suddenly care? You have the ability to read thoughts anyway." I cut him off rolling my eyes, which sent irritating chills down my body.

"I have no strength for that." All the hate that suddenly surrounded my mind floated further and was replaced with pity.

"This is the end. That's what you want to say?" I swallowed the so-called noodle in my throat and sighed.

I knew I'll leave my life here a long time ago, then why is it suddenly so hard?

"I don't want to say that." His hand caught mine and squeezed it tightly, leaving a silver ring with Orion's stone behind.

My eyes widened when I saw that blue gemstone in my palm.

"Gabriel-" I started to speak and tried to put the ring back on his finger, but he skillfully moved away.

"Save yourself, you have a chance. Trust me." He whispered.

Something in me ruffled like an ocean before a storm and then my brain realized some things.

"But I don't need a ring, you need it. You can't walk on the sun without it." I shook my head and was still trying to catch his hand and put the ring back, but he was moving all the time like a damn stubborn donkey.

"I won't need it. Take care of it and don't let anyone see it because otherwise, they will find them more and take over the world." He grabbed my wrist and silenced all my wild thoughts for a moment.

"I will, but I don't know where to go. I don't know those hallways. I can't leave you here." I whimpered and tried to catch his gaze.

My eyes were suffering for his, and even my brain couldn't deny it.

Those blue streams surrounded by green meadows suffered for the black nights with glowing fireflies.

"Don't worry about it, you'll know everything when it's time for that. Just trust me." He sighed and looked down so the black hair was falling over his forehead, blocking my view at his serene face.

"I trust you." I whispered and gained a little smile on his lips that, unfortunately, didn't last long.

"I'm glad because of that. -" He paused and bent his head to look at me for a moment, but not in the eyes.

That would be the pain.

"-and Kristal, I'm sorry for everything." He continued and moved the hair from his face.

"You don't have to apologize, I already forgave you." I bit my lip, suppressing the tears that suddenly gathered in my eyes.

"Thank you." Finally, his enchanting look caught mine.

The tear slid down my face, leaving a wet mark on my dry cheeks.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. No one's worth your tears, not even me."

With these words, his head slowly slid to the opposite side, making my heart skip the beat.