God's love

idk

How did I get here?

I feel like a new person compared to who I was months ago. I don't know if this is a good change or that if it's bringing me closer to You Lord or if it's taking me farther away. My heart is heavy and i'm burdened. I wonder if it's the fact that I feel useless since I still cannot find work or the fact that I'm turning down a good person who likes me over someone who doesn't? I wonder if does all these things really matter? I'm always a person who comes up easily with answers but this time, I don't know what to do.

Would I risk hurting someone just because I care for another one? Either way, I know it's a loss but I just want to make things right. Lord, guide me on what should I do. For so long, I've been waiting for someone to notice me and see me but my worth shouldn't be defined by people, things or opinions. What You did for me God gave me worth and I'm sorry if I allowed the world to determine who I should be or what I should do. You remind me that I have my own timeline and that I can expect so many great things from You. You have been so faithful to me even when I'm not. At the end of the day, even when I cannot give You all of me, You are giving me all You are. I tried to outgive You, but God You are overwhelming and You are blessing me more than what I deserve.

I don't know what to do next Lord but please let me not be ruled by emotions or be rational. Rather, fill me with Your Holy Spirit that I may do what You want me to do.