Sands In The Darkest Night

Feelings

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Akhenaten sat alone on the roof of his bed chamber and just stared unseeing at the expanse of the city beyond.

He couldn't say he was saddened by his father's passing.

The weight of the crown rested solely on him now.

In truth, it had, long before his father's death-since he's been too sick to do much of anything.

He'd been very pleased with the banquet and the honoured guests who graced the occasion and gave their condolences.

He closed his eyes and let out a breath.

He was troubled.

His mind went back to the brown eyes that constantly tormented his thoughts.

Before the banquet, he hadn't seen her for two weeks, two whole weeks.

The reason being her words had affected him in a way that troubled him.

She'd talked about 'love'-unconditional love-and he'd immediately told her that his love for her was unconditional.

But she had replied asking him if he would let her go if it meant she'd be happy.

He'd given her the obvious answer.

He couldn't let her go, if he lost her again, he knew he wouldn't survive it.

He knew he would go on another rampage.

He let out another breath.

When she'd told him possessiveness and lust wasn't love, he hadn't known what to feel.

Because they hit a part deep inside of him.

It was true, in a way, he lusted after her.

She was a bright light, a breath of fresh air and he wanted to consume that light.

He wanted to consume all of her-her body, her soul, her mind...

He wanted all of her and he wanted to be all she saw.

But he was quickly coming to the realisation that she didn't feel the same way.

What he thought was his way of loving her, instead was killing her slowly, painfully.

He couldn't explain it, but there was this craving for her, this undeniable pull to her.

But he was afraid.

All he's ever done was push her away.

She'd said he'd made her feel small, defenceless, and scared.

Akhenaten's heart throbbed.

Her own kind of love, the kind she wanted or hoped for was the love that was kind, patient, not envious or easily angered.

Akhenaten wasn't kind, he was very envious-of the Aqaban and anyone that she seemed to care for...because she didn't care about him.

He felt a tug in his chest.

But then...

He remembered when he'd been punished by the Oracles when he'd been burnt.

He remembered clearly the concerned look so obvious in her eyes.