Fear of Falling

Chapter 48....

One Month Later.....

"You can do this Josie. It will be okay." I tried to give myself a pep talk in the mirror but it wasn't really working.

I hated this day. I knew it was coming and have tried to bury it, but of course that didn't work. Gripping the counter I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to stop the panic attack from building.

Does it ever get easier? I knew it would eventually but not today. A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I really didn't want to do this but I knew I had to. I couldn't hide out in here all day even if I wanted to.

Pushing my shoulders back I steeled myself for the day ahead. Giving myself one last nod I turned and opened the bathroom door.

"You okay?" My amazing boyfriend asked, reaching out and cupping my cheek. I leaned into his palm and closed my eyes.

"I will be." I answered truthfully.

"You sure you want me to come with you?" As if I couldn't love him anymore.

"I want you there." And I meant it. I wanted him by my side today.

"It looks like it may start raining, we may want to go." His thumb brushed against my cheek as he spoke softly. He knew just how hard this day is for me and it meant the world that he was here for me. Even when I tried to push him away the other day.

"Okay." Threading our fingers together, Wyatt gently lead me out of my apartment and to the elevator. His thumb brushed the tops of my knuckles as we silently rode it down to the lobby, neither of us having to say a word.

True to his word the skies above us were dark and stormy. Pretty fitting for today. I breathed in the smell of rain as Wyatt held the passenger side door open for me. I usually would hate him treating me like I was fragile but in this moment I appreciated it. He knew all I needed right now was him.

The car ride over was quiet. Music played softly in the background as I gripped Wyatt's hand in my lap. The closer we got the tighter the band around my chest got.

A few minutes later Wyatt parked in front of the one place I hated coming to. Park Lawn Cemetery. A lump formed in my throat as I looked at the front gates. The fact I haven't been here in a little bit made me drown in guilt.

"Want to go in alone first?" Wyatt asked but I kept my eyes straight ahead. I knew the path by heart. Knowing if I walked 30 steps straight and turn left for 10 steps I'd find it.

"Would that be okay?" I think I needed to be alone at first.

"Of course babe. Take as long as you need. Just text me whenever you want me to come in, or not." He squeezed my hand supportively.

Knowing I couldn't put it off any longer I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Wyatt's cheek before slipping out of the car. The air was chilly and the wind was slowly picking up. I wrapped my arms around my waist, thankful for my thick sweater.

My feet moved on their own as I entered the cemetery. I had been dreading this day all year. The irrational part of my brain telling me if I just ignored it then it wasn't real. But it was. My feet crunched on the dried leaves laying on the ground.

I passed headstone after headstone heading for the one I knew by heart. It only took another minute for me to find the headstone I was looking for. Seeing my fathers name made tears well up in my eyes.

I brushed the fallen leaves off his headstone, letting my fingertips trace his name and the words written on the bottom. Anthony Scott. Amazing father and friend. Until We Meet Again.