The Lonely Girl

Chapter 38: days and nights

Rose p.o.v

The weird feelings came back. 

After our movie night, we had to go to sleep and sleeping meant closing your eyes, and closing your eyes meant darkness. 

Darkness meant nightmares, horrible nightmares. 

I tried to stay awake for as long as I could and the moment I closed my eyes because I was too tired I shook right back awake the moment the nightmares began. 

I barely slept the following days. 

I hated the nights, but the days weren't great either. 

The weekend was over which meant Max had to go to work and Nathan he had to work too but he could stay at home for his job. 

Max explained to me that Nathan's job was some kind of 'customary service', or whatever that meant. Basically, Max said, he talks to a bunch of rich people who need help with all kinds of stuff and he gets paid real good. Sometimes he has to visit them, but mostly he stays at home. 

It didn't make much sense to me, but I just nodded my head. 

And during the day I had to do these exercises, which meant I had to move. 

When I was with Nathan doing them it was kinda bearable. He was nice. The nurse that came twice a week not so much. 

He would say I was whining, not trying, had to work harder. Even though I tried my hardest. Sometimes he would even yell and that would freeze me up. 

I would be as stiff as a plank, as Max would say it. Then he would just sigh and go home, even if our time wasn't up yet. 

And then there were my thoughts that would haunt me every day. The thoughts that would not make me feel like myself. That would make me feel like I was broken, not a whole. 

The only thought I was dead set on was I just wanna go home. 

But where was my home? I had no home. 

Yes, I had a roof over my head, but that didn't make this my home. The streets felt more like my home than any other place I have been, I think. 

There was a snippet of an image in my head that said otherwise, an image of Derek's home. I shook my head. 

Derek was... Derek was not home. He was mean to me and I still didn't even know if he was still with Oliva. 

I hadn't seen him since I woke up for the first time. 

Then all of a sudden, I got startled by the slamming sound of the front door. Max was home. I could hear Nathan coming down from the stairs. 

A faint sound of them talking was echoing through the living room. It sounded like they were whispering. Why were they whispering? 

Shortly after Nathan walked into the kitchen and a tired Max clung to his arm. He was getting a sippy cup from the cupboards and filling it with juice. 

"Do you want something too, Rose?" Nathan asked over his shoulder. 

I shook my head. 

"All right, we will be upstairs for a while. Max is tired so I am going to take a nap with him. If there is something wrong just yell, okay sweetie?" 

I nodded my head. 

"For anything okay. I don't mind. You good here?" 

Again I nodded my head. I noticed how I didn't like to talk when being big me. Talking was difficult. It was easier to stay silent.