The good girls secret life

epilogue

I'm sorry that it took me so long to update, and I 'm ashamed to consider this epilog my writing because I know that its bad, but I wanted to go ahead and post and I will fix it when I go back to edit this book.

4 years later

I smile over at Aiden who is grimacing in pain as little Dereck pulls at his hair from his perch across Aiden's broad shoulder. I reach up to pull Dereck away from Aiden,, but I can't reach. As we walk up the solid white concrete of Alana's new drive way, Aiden grips the little boys armpits lifting him high into the air before setting him carefully on his feet.

Dereck doesn't waist time jumping into his mother's arms knocking the breath out of her, but she doesn't complain as Dereck ask her to spin him in circles in his cute two year old voice. He throw's in a pouty lip just for good luck, and Alana can't help but doing as he ask. She smiles down at her son as he giggles and runs to hug his father and tell them both about his day at the park where he met this boy who played hide and seek with him in the slide.

 I smile at the cute moment as I lean back into Aiden's arms, and he  moves a few stray hairs that have escaped from my ponytail behind my ear leaning down to whisper to kiss my neck and watch Dereck tell his story. I jump when Aiden speaks not even seconds later. " I want one," He says not taking his eyes off the happy family.

I furrow my brow at his words looking up to meet his eyes. He hasn't stopped smiling but there is no laughter in his eyes. Even so I can't help but wonder if he's just joking.  "Ar...are you series?"

He smiles down at me as an answers without a single doubt lingering in his eyes, "Yes, i'm serous. Why shouldn't we have a kid? Why shouldn't we have a couple kids actually? " He says releasing his hold on me so I can turn to face him. His shadow looms over me and his body blocks the sun from my eyes so I have no problem looking into his face for a sign of hesitation.

I can't help but stare gob smacks at him when not ten minutes ago he was wanting to bring Dereck home so we could go do some ' adult things'. His words, not mine.  We both love kids, but for now its best that we're able to take them home and have a quiet house to ourselves. Isn't it?

"I could think of quiet a few reason's for not having kids like: we're to young, we can barely decide on a collage major, and we're not married. " I say and he frowns thinking over my reasons and deciding what to say very carefully.

"You don't have to be married to have kids, and as I remember it you were the one that didn't want to marry right now so you can't throw that in my face. "

I cringe at his words think back to not even two weeks ago when he had purposed after a day of beautiful walks in the park, a nice breakfast in our new house, and a very nice and fancy dinner. I had denied him and quickly ran out of the restaurant as he spent the next two hours trying to find me.

I grimace before saying the exact same thing I've said every day since then, "You know that I don't think that you should decide your life when your just starting to live it, and you also know that until I feel its right I have to stick by my decision. I'm sorry that I said no. I'm sorry that I hurt you, but if you think that we should get married then that means you think our relationship is strong enough to get through anything, including this, and you must also think that we will stay together for the rest of our lives, so it shouldn't even matter all that much if I said yes or no if the outcomes the same in the end. Further more..."

He covers my mouth with the palm of his hand looking me deep in the eyes as he say's one simple sentence, " I'm still here aren't I?" 

I deflate in his arm's feeling guilty all over again as I realize his comment wasn't a jab at me, but a simple statement. He's right of course. Never once has he shown any type of hurt toward this situation. Instead he claims to understand my reasoning and would never try to pressure me into something. This, of course, makes me love him even more and clouds my judgment and idealism.