Duskwood: Love's Beginning

13 - Jayna

I was a little ticked at Jake for making me talk to Jessy like that. I thought he was relying on my instincts and ability to read emotions through text. If that was the case, he would never have needed me to confront her about something I had already surmised she knew nothing about.

At the same time, I didn't like how she kept calling Jake creepy. I had already told her not to worry about him. Why didn't everyone just trust my role in this group and believe what I said? They were the ones who brought me into the middle of it, after all. Hopefully, Jessy would forgive me after a while for asking her those questions.

Later on, Jake sent me a curious message. He was inviting me to step into his world? What did that mean, exactly? I felt a knot in my stomach as I thought of all the possibilities. Would I finally get to see his face? Were we...going to meet somewhere? My mouth went dry at the thought of standing in front of this stranger that was also not a stranger to me. When he came back on, I read the text eagerly, feeling a little shaky with nerves.

Oh. He just wanted me to stalk some doctor on social media and find out what his password could be. I sighed and logged into my all-but-comatose Facebook account and did a search for Dr. Barret. Scrolled through his posts and pictures, and...yes, that must be it. I quickly went back to Jake, confident in my find. Then, I glowed from Jake's praise when he confirmed it was the correct password. A patient looked at me curiously as I walked by with what must be a goofy grin on my face, but it was totally worth it.

I couldn't stop myself from commenting that I thought we made an awesome team. After he responded that he felt the same, he paused. Like he was going to say something else, but then he decided against it. I slumped a little. I just KNEW he felt a connection to me, but he was doing his best to avoid it.

It was unlike me to blatantly pursue someone, but I couldn't seem to help myself in his case. When he logged off, I felt bereft for a moment. I shook it off, started a new decryption, and went to assist with the final patient of the day. We were running behind and I didn't know that I would have time for a run tonight. I washed my hands, pulled on some sterile gloves, and set up what Lia, needed on the surgical tray. We were about to extract a bullet from someone's arm.

I had just finished assisting with the bullet extraction–which turned out to actually just be a graze that needed some stitches. It has nicked a large blood vessel and had been bleeding profusely, so we thought there was a bullet in the arm. Lia did a few of the stitches in slow motion for me to observe her technique; I had been practicing at home on fruit and wanted to see how what I did compared. The patient was resting while we made sure he was stable, so I had a few minutes before I went back in to check his vitals.

Naturally, I pulled out my phone and found Jake had just messaged me. I quickly put in my earbuds and played back the recording he sent. OK, so this therapist was not someone I would pick to work with if I felt depressed and thought someone was following me. My phone's storage was also getting pretty full–I was going to need to buy a memory card on the way home to transfer off all these big files.

I teased Jake a little, telling him that I was glad he'd actually found something for once. At first, he didn't get it, I had to hint that I was messing around. Did he not know what fun was? And he actually joked around with me! I couldn't believe it. That was a nice way to end my workday. The patient with the bullet wound was doing well and he left with a promise to come back and have his stitches checked.

Oh, Jake. What kind of life did he live? What did he do when he wasn't chatting with me? I remembered that room filled with computers and electronic lights that I had seen when he first called me.

Then, I recalled that when he called the others to try to stop the vote against me, he used some kind of logo instead of a live shot of his background. Was that because he had been somewhere he didn't want anyone to see? I was curious to ask him but didn't want to ruin the friendly banter we had going right now. I had to learn better not to ask every question that came to my mind.

After discussing the recording, Jake said he had to go. Maybe it was because it had been a long day or because I'd only gotten a few hours of sleep for the past several nights. But I had to tell him how I felt, and be direct about it because the hints weren't working. I was so nervous that my hands were sweating as I tapped out my words. "I don't want you to go. You mean a lot to me."

His response was immediate and at first, my heart felt light when he responded in kind. But I caught the undertone of anguish a millisecond later. He talked about thinking about me a lot and feeling like he knew me even though we hadn't met. How he revealed things to me that he seemed to think he shouldn't.

Jake's next words caused physical pain. He didn't feel right about caring for me, and it was too dangerous. In short, he had feelings for me, but he didn't want to. Ouch. Tears stung my eyes, and I leaned back against the counter in the clinic break room. With a curt apology for rejecting me, he logged off.

A single sob escaped my throat. I quickly covered my mouth, but Lia heard it anyway and rushed into the room. "Are you OK, sweets?" she put a hand on my shoulder, concerned.

I gave her a watery smile. "Oh, it's nothing, it's silly, really..."

"Jayna." She directed me over to a chair at our tiny kitchen table and sat down facing me. "Your work here is excellent as always, but lately you seem like you're not fully present. And, you're still just as beautiful, but you look so tired. I'm worried about you. Maybe it will help to talk about it?"

Her warmth and concern made me break down. I put my head on my arms and sobs shook my body, while Lia stroked my back and waited quietly. After my face was a teary, snot-filled mess and I was finally back under control, I lifted my head and Lia handed me tissues.

I cleaned myself up and then in a broken voice, I told her just a small piece of what was going on. That I made some new friends, but they were far away, and one of them was missing. That I had feelings for someone, but he didn't want to have feelings for me.

Lia pursed her lips. "So he says you mean a lot to him, and he thinks about you all the time, but he won't be with you? Why?"

I shrugged. I couldn't tell her Jake's secret, even if he had hurt me. Lia sighed.

"Well cariña, I tell you what. You are such a strong, intelligent, and talented woman. I don't know what's holding this guy back, but I doubt he'll resist you for long." She raised an eyebrow at me, and I laughed. But just for a moment.

"I wish you were right, Lia. I just don't think he'll change his mind. He seems firm in his conviction."

Lia smirked at me. "We'll see about that. Tell you what, if this guy doesn't come to you on his knees begging for your love by the end of the month, then I owe you five bucks. Otherwise, you owe me five. Deal?"

I grimaced. Lia loved to do these silly bets with me. She never actually collected my money from me when she won, though. "Deal," I agreed. This was a bet I hoped to lose, and I would happily insist on paying her this time.