Duskwood: Love's Beginning

25 - Jake

Immense relief swept over me when Jayna said she could forgive me. I had been so worried that she was angry or afraid and she would be done with me after that hacking attempt. A life with me in it was not easy, which is why I had kept all of my previous encounters casual and emotionally detached. I always explained up front and let them decide if they wanted to proceed.

Not that there were many women in my past. Even though I was always direct with my intentions and never felt any true affection for any of them, I was not keen on one-night-stands. None of them knew who I really was–they never even knew my real name, or where I lived. I had never opened myself up to them as I had to Jayna.

Now that I knew she was safe, the adrenaline had left me and my body demanded that I get some rest. I let myself collapse onto the bed with my shoes on and immediately fell asleep.

After a few hours, I woke up and scanned through everything I had missed. I double-checked the security on Jayna's phone and reinforced it further. I also noticed she'd backed up or moved a lot of data to a memory card. This was probably a good idea, considering the hacking attempt on her phone. Smart woman.

As I looked through her interactions with the others, the one with Phil Hawkins gave me pause. Envy burned in my chest at the way he conversed with her so easily. She even asked him about the smileys, which was, I assume, a reference to my use of them. Was she hoping that Phil was...me? That this smooth-talking ladies' man with all the right answers was secretly a hacker??

I knew I was awkward. I didn't know all the tricks to get women. But I thought I had found one that I could be myself with. I could not help it; I had to bring up the subject with her, but I had to be circumspect and make it seem like it was for investigatory purposes only.

Of course, Jayna saw through that immediately. I denied being jealous. I don't know why I lied. Yes, I did. It was a combination of embarrassment and insecurity. This man could flirt with her so easily and live out in the open. He could invite her out and be with her in public. He lived without looking over his shoulder at all times. I could never give that to her. I felt myself sinking into despair as I pictured Jayna in Phil's arms, him kissing her and holding her hand instead of me. I clenched my fists.

My pride kept up the lie regardless of her knowing what I was doing. The things I felt when she disagreed with me when I said that he was unlikeable...was she provoking me on purpose?! I pivoted the conversation toward the more familiar ground; I wanted her to stay away from Duskwood and be safe.

Of course, she met this concept with resistance. She would not take orders from me. I sighed. I should have known this would be her response. I really didn't want to control her, but I forgot to phrase things nicely when I was afraid for her safety.

But then she turned the tables on me once again. She told me that once this was all over, she would have no reason to be in contact with Phil any longer. But I would still be around. Wouldn't I?

I responded immediately that I would, of course. There was no way I would ever let her go now. I had no idea what the future looked like, or how I would be with her. But I would not disappear on her. I could only hope that she would put up with long absences and a covert relationship.