Duskwood: Love's Beginning

43 - Jayna

I looked at the menu. It was for Chinese food. My aching heart eased just slightly.

"Jayna." I looked back at Jake, right into those mesmerizing blue eyes. "I...I am not good at this. My life has not left room for close relationships. But my social ineptitude is no excuse for hurting you. It seems I ask this a lot of you, but, can you forgive me?"

"Do you even know what you're asking me to forgive you for?" He looked confused. Ah-ha. That's what I thought. I sighed, disappointed.

Jake frowned. "Will you please tell me? I want to make things right between us."

I didn't say anything for a moment.

"Jayna, do you trust me?" he asked me.

"Yes, of course, I do," That was an easy question to answer.

"Then will you please come back and sit with me?" he begged. "I want to be near you, and I'm asking you to trust me with whatever it is that has been bothering you."

"Way to tug on the heartstrings, buddy," I muttered, not missing the grin on Jake's face as I sat cross-legged on the bed facing him. He immediately took my hands and gazed at me attentively. This guy... was really killing me with those eyes. I was going to have to insist he wear sunglasses when I was mad at him.

I blew out my breath. "OK. I'm upset that you didn't want me to go to the mine. But it isn't for the reason that you think. I knew, at least I felt, all along, that Michael Hanson was not the one who took Hannah. I said as much to you. I know, I know, you said you would go under that assumption until proven otherwise, and you're all about facts. But my instincts told me it wasn't him. I also mentioned I had some suspicions of Richy.

"I told you that I believed him when the kidnapper said nobody would get hurt if I went to the mine. It turns out I was right. Richy would never have hurt me, Jake. And if I went instead of you, maybe I could have kept him from trying to kill himself. The FBI wouldn't have come there to try to find you, and you wouldn't have gotten hurt. Hindsight is 20/20, yes. But still, I brought up my concerns and I feel they were swept aside so that you could protect me. So I guess this is all to say that I do trust you, Jake. But sometimes I am not sure that you trust me the same way."

He seemed at a loss for words. I waited while he processed everything I had just said. "You are right," he finally told me.

"Uh, thanks? What exactly am I right about?"

"You did bring up all of those concerns. I remember each of them. And perhaps I should have prioritized investigating them further. But we had limited time to look at everything. Perhaps you are also correct that you could have prevented some of the things that happened if you went in my stead, though we did not know it at the time. I must tell you something, but first I want to ask you this. Do you blame me for Richy's death?"

I looked him dead in the eyes. "No. I told you that I don't, and I meant it. Richy wanted to die, and his actions ensured that he did. I thought I had finally gotten through to him at the end; I thought I had convinced him to stay, but by then it was too late. We just didn't know it yet."

"You spoke to him?" Jake watched me closely.

I nodded. "Just briefly, at the hospital," I remembered something then. "Wait, he said that he gave you a message for me. Do you remember what it was?"

"Yes, and I will tell you later, I promise. But that is part of a larger conversation. Right now, I have something else to say. The one thing you are incorrect about is the reason why I chose to go so you could be safe. It had nothing to do with trust. I do trust you, implicitly.