Province stories

Oil v Nature

(Quebec 2020)
(And yes he should be thinking in French but I don't speak it and google translate is scary)

"And here's the tissues you needed." New Brunswick kicks a box of tissues under my door. I grumbled as I wobbled to the door.

"Pourquoi devais-je être celui qui est tombé malade (Why did I have to be one that got sick)." I muttered. I grabbed the tissue box and flipped onto my bed, the curled up tissues all over my bed fluttered.

"Hey gimme some of those." Ontario grumbled grabbing a few tissues. Me and Rio had gotten really sick with this bloody pandemic, so much so that the Atlantics had basically taken over the whole province duty thing (they still have zero cases and it pisses me off).

RING!

I grumbled moving my tired arm to the phone. "Putain, l'appel de l'Alberta." What the hell did that oil cowboy want.

"Hey don't swear."

"Qu'est-ce que tu veux, bordel?" I answered the call.

"Bruh, you know I skipped all those French lessons. English please." Alberta said back in her normal annoying tone.

"What did you call me for, I'm literally dying here."

"See much better!" Alberta praised which I met with a groan. "Anyways I'm just happy to announce I finally got that maple hooligan to approve my pipeline so you can stop buying that green guys oil! I know, I know you can hold the applause."

All I could respond with was a hmph of relative happiness. I was costing some money to buy oil.

"YOU DID WHAT?! DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO!?" Another more mature girl's voice rang through the phone.

"Tsk, cmon BC it's just a pipeline. It's not even going through your territory." Alberta replied. "I got Onny boy's, French guy's, Maple man's and Flower head's approval."

"Did you just call me.. French guy?" I asked before breaking into a coughing fit.

"Yeah, wait aren't we in a pandemic why are you in my house!"

"OUR HOUSE!" I heard a guy scream.

"What are you communist? But yeah BC get out of the prairie house please, or else I'll have to place Edmonton Oilers stickers on your minivan."

BC scoffed. "YOU WOULDN'T DARE."

I could here the tension in the room. "Was that a challenge, British Columbia Vancouver Canada."

"MY CAPITOL IS VICTORIA YOU DISHSOAP SWAB-" Then the phone cut out.

I flipped over I flopped my face on the pillow as I broke into another coughing fit quickly joined by Ontario. This is going to be a very annoying year isn't it?

(BC POV)

Manitoba pushed me out of their house. "ALBERTA WE AREN'T DONE TALKING HERE!" Alberta looked to me with devilish eyes as she took out hockey stickers. I gave her a middle finger. "C'mon Mani you understand what I'm talking about right?"

He looked to the side. "I mean yeah, but the east needs this. I've been working on mending my relationship with them for years, I can't stop now." He played with a few scars under his eyepatch.

"Then they can just move to renewables like we planned! Unless we're all backing out again. I mean since you guys got Carbon taxed." I resorted to insults which were not taken well.

Alberta seemed especially angry. "WE JUST NEED MORE TIME! YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND! YOUR MADE OF STUPID TOURISM! If I switched to new energy like that right now I'll disappear or lose my status on the big table like my sister! " Alberta then took a slight breath. "Now, get the hell out of my house."