𝐀𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐀|𝖣𝖺𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗇 𝖳𝖺𝗋𝗀𝖺𝗋𝗒𝖾𝗇

𝒙𝒙𝒙𝒗. Deafening Silence

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CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
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I STARED DOWN AT THE PLATE OF
food that sat in front of me. I avoided the eyes that stared at me from different sides of the table.  Both my sister and husband looked at me, waiting for me to move or speak, anything really. My children and my sisters children would look at me often but would never stare the way they did. Rhaenyra's gaze was filled with sadness, while Daemon's was undoubtedly filled with anger.

The last time I made eye contact with anyone in this family was well over a year ago.

My desire to live and will to be a mother, a wife, or even a sister faded long ago. I think the only thing keeping me alive is the fear of dying. I know it should be the fact that I'd hurt the people I love the most, but it isn't. Sometimes I wonder if my sweet babes would be hurt, after so long of not being there for them. Maybe they already think of me as dead. I'm sure Daemon would be happy to be free to do whatever he pleases since he'd no longer be tied to me.

I looked up from the plate towards my two eldest sons. Jaelyx met my gaze and gave me a smile so soft you could barely see it. How beautiful my son and his siblings have become. My heart broke a little more, I've lost so much time with them. Oh how I wish I could be myself again.

I stood up from the chair and flattened my dress. As I was walking towards the I heard someone else stand, a few steps later I heard the sound of something getting thrown against the wall. I stopped but I did not turn around. I was already sure of who did it.

Not a word was spoken before Daemons grip was on my arm. He pulled me roughly out of the dining hall and into the thrown room.

For a moment it was silent, so silent that it was deafening. Even the thoughts in my head that were so loud they kept me from sleeping went silent. I knew that this would be the only moment I'd have to prepare and pre-process anything Daemon was about to say to me.

I looked at anything and everything but him, hoping he'd give up and just walk out. But that wasn't who Daemon was. I could feel his anger radiating off of him. It felt like daggers stabbing every possible inch of my body.

"What is wrong with you?" Daemon asked, venom lacing in with his words.

A sharp and cold shiver went down my spine. I said nothing. I didn't know how to tell the man I loved so dearly, the man I could barely breath without that I wanted to die. I felt ashamed just thinking about it.

"What Is Wrong With You?" Daemon grabbed my face in attempt to make me look at him.

The tears I tried so hard to hold back began to stream down my face. My heart and maybe even my soul was broken. There was no way of fixing myself then. I live in a constant state of fear and tiredness.

"I'm sorry," I said as I cried.

"You're sorry? Rhaemax, Jaelyx, and Aeva have all accepted that you're a gone, you're a ghost to them. Rhaenelle, Daemian, and Aedith barely even know you. They need their mother and you don't even acknowledge them. You left your children, Aenora! You left OUR children!" Daemon paused for a moment, "You left me. You made promises and you broke all of them. I feel like I'm mourning you and you're not even dead."

I knew he was right. I have always known this. I've heard my children talking about me and I've thought about the promises that I've made. But, hearing it come from him felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest.

"Tell me Aenora, what is so fucking wrong with you that you can't even speak or look at any of us?" Daemon released his grip on my face.

After over a year, I finally looked at him. He looked the same, his hair was a bit longer, but he was the same.

"Let me go," I whispered. "Please, just let me go."

Daemons face softened. He looked at me with many different types of emotion; worry, sadness, and realization. He finally saw me for what I was. He heard what I was saying.

"I'm tired, Daemon. I can't live like this, I feel as though I'm drowning. I love you, I love our children and I will forever, but I am slowly fading away."  Tears continued to stream down my face as I spoke.

Daemon hesitantly brought me into his arms and held me as I sobbed. For the first time in what felt like an eternity I felt safe. I let myself break completely in my husbands arms. A sense of relief swept over me. Everything I've been holding in for years was finally released.

He pulled away ever so slightly to place his head against mine.

"You're lost, my love. In your head you are lost and you feel like who you used to be is gone, but I still feel you. However hard it might be, Nora, I will find you. I cannot live in this world without you." Daemon spoke softly.

For six years I have felt alone, I have lost myself but in this moment I feel hope. Daemons words gave me hope. His love for me, for what I am so grateful for, has given me hope. I cannot win this war with my head on my own. I don't have my own strength but I have his.

"I love you, Daemon." I told him as I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my dress.

Daemon looked me in the eyes before kissing my forehead.

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AUTHORS NOTE
if you or anyone you know is suffering from suicidal thoughts, please reach out. just know you are loved & appreciated <33

also very sad chapter & short, it's 3 am rn and i'm tired. anywho i dunno if i like writing in MC POV, probably won't do it again. i just wanted you guys to understand Aenoras thought process, kind of.

drink water if you haven't.
sweet dreams or good morning!