18 | Terrible

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WE ENDED UP sleeping over at Xavier's place, Jake taking the couch and me in the spare bedroom. Although halfway through the night I felt guilty and retrieved him from downstairs no matter his tired eyes. He was too exhausted to argue when I pushed him onto the bed, which I was glad for - and made it easier for me to just leave the room with no hassle and return downstairs. 

Sleeping always used to be a problem. It's gotten better, but still, it's not normal. So sometimes when I can't sleep - for whatever reason, I smoke. 

I started when I was fourteen. Definitely not a good age to be tarnishing my lungs. I know. Stopped when I was sixteen...picked it up again the moment I turned eighteen. So...whatever. I'm probably going to be a smoker for the rest of my life. At least I've accepted my fate. 

The burning in my throat only feels like a temporary itch now, smoke dancing through remnants of my life before swirling out my lips and into the night sky. I shouldn't stay out here too long. Leaving the door open might be rude or something...I don't know - I've never been in this situation before. 

But just as I'm turning, just as I'm about to re-enter the house - someone who I thought was meant to be asleep, is approaching. 

"Why are you up?" I ask him. 

"Because you pushed me on a fucking bed and then left and I got confused." He says in an accusatory tone. 

"Sorry." I frown. 

"No - don't apologise - god." He runs a hand through his hair before joining my side and looking into the night sky. 

"What time is it?" I ask. 

"Two in the morning."

"It's not like we have to be up early." I shrug, taking another drag from my cigarette now that I'm not going back inside. 

"Your phone has been blowing up with calls." He says. 

I turn to him, "From Aly or Liza?"

"Why would it matter?"

"If it's Aly it's important but not urgent because she'll mostly just want to be berating me or begging for my help, if it's Liza it's urgent because she doesn't just call me randomly in the night." I explain.

"It was Aly." Jake confirms. 

"Good," I sigh, "I don't have to run inside."

"You act like Alyona calling you is a chore." Jake scoffs. 

"Sometimes it can be," I shrug, "Other times not."

"Do you think she would get angry at you if she knew you were talking about her oh so important calls this way?" Jake grins.

I can't help but match his expressions every time I see them, "I think she'd suffocate me with a pillow."

"I would laugh but there seems to be some truth in there." He notes. 

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