Weakness

Smile

Noora's POV.

"Noor! My dear, can you open the door for me please while I put these cookies in for baking?" Nano calls for me.

I take off my earphones and make my way to open the door.

Of course, he would show up at my door again. But, for what exactly? I thought I was clear I didn't want to see him anymore.

"You can't be here" I said folding my arms.

"I need to speak with your grandmother." He states.

"Why would you need to speak with my grandmother? You can talk to me. Don't bother her." I said.

He ignored what I said and slightly pushed me aside before entering.

"Asalamualeykum!" He saw nano and hugged her.

What the...??

"Oh my dear, you finally came back. I was waiting for you." Nano instantly smiled. Does she really like him that much? She wouldn't anymore if I told her the way he yelled at me yesterday.

"Come meri jaan, I made you something" She dragged him to the living room. Don't tell me she sew him something?

She makes him sit on the couch and pulls out a blue sewed scarf. I mentally sighed. I knew it.

"Thank you, nano" he thanked her.

"Oh it's my pleasure honey, I'm making another one that looks exactly the same for my grand daughter." You gotta be kidding me.

"Nano, I came here to tell you something important" he proceeded to say.

What could be so important?

Nano sits near him and brings her attention to him.

"I'm listening, my dear"

"Noora...I want to marry Noora" I almost lost my balance. Our eyes met as I got shivers down my spine.

"Give me the permission to marry your grand daughter. I promise you that I will take good care of her." He adds.

"Nano, I need to talk to him for a minute" I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the living room with me.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked still not believing what he just said.

"I'm marrying you and you better agree" is he threatening me?

"Ozan, have you lost your mind?" I genuinely asked.

"I have. I have completely lost my sanity and that's all because of all the space you have taken in my mind. I like you. A lot. And, I want to know what it feels like to touch you..." he took a step closer to me.

"To kiss you, to be inside of you...I want everything. And, I'm not waiting any longer. I'm marrying you as soon as I can." I got chills once again, my face is probably tomato red at this point. This man is crazy.

"Ozan...please don't do this" I begged him.

"Oh baby, probation time is over. Now, I'm getting what I want." He said it like my opinion did not even matter.

"What about my feelings?" I still asked.

He took another step towards me.

"We shouldn't have crossed paths. Because I'm taking you away at all costs." He replied before walking back into the living room.

Why do I feel like my life is over? I'm scared of this man and what he could possibly do if I go against his decisions.

God...I'm shaking. I need to get out of here. But, I can't. Nano needs me. She depends on me. He truly does not care at all. I hate him.

***

Everything went too fast. He convinced nano that he was in love with me in the span of a week. He would come once every day of the week with sweets or gifts and ask for my hand in mariage.

I tried. I tried so hard to tell him to stop. To tell him that I wasn't going to marry him but he threatened me. And, I believed every word he said. If this man can commit murders, he can definitely do anything else.

Nano asked me a couple times if I was sure about him and I had to lie to myself and her. I can't look at him in the eyes let alone be sure about him.

I am ignoring that feeling I had from the day he hugged me from behind and I felt like my heart was going to fail. I refuse to believe it could be love.

I have prayed my whole life to fall in love with a righteous man that is on his deen, that respects his parents, that respects women and that treats children with love. When I was just a little girl, I still remember how I would imagine having a family of my own one day.

All those prayers that I constantly did...I know they weren't useless. I made duaa because allah intended for me to make them. Right now, I am so worried and stressed that I can barely eat, sleep and even concentrate at work.

I can't tell my best friend about it because that will worry her and she will probably call the cops without any hesitation and I can't tell nano about it because he threatened me.

I'm keeping everything to myself and it's suffocating me.

Here I am, at the mosque in my nikah dress which was nano's dress and my mother's dress as well. This was reserved for me for my special day passed on generation to another. Expect, nano and ammi were happily getting married to the man they loved. I'm being forced and I can't do anything about it.

I am panicking inside as he sats beside me. I feel his gaze on me. There is no one else here. There's me, there's him, there's nano sitting on my side and there's the imam sat in between us with the papers.

I visioned my special day with my best friend and her family present, with decorations and food for everyone. With my husband's family present as well.

There's nobody other than nano here. There's nothing exciting, nothing to be happy about. Everything is dull and painful. And, I don't know how I am going to fix this.

It takes a few minutes, and then we are officially married. I feel like running away.

"Congratulations, meri jaan" nano hugs me and kisses my cheeks.

"You won't forget about your promise" nano said to him.

"I won't." He confirmed before she hugged him.

I feel like I'm leaving a part of me behind. Just the thought of nano being all alone and having to take care of herself all alone...it doesn't sit right with me. I am in a very complicated position. I've dealt with a lot in my life but this is something I didn't expect would ever happen to me because these kinds of things to me, it was fantasy and fiction in movies and tv shows.

It was never considered real and no one was going to come and ruin my life like this. No one was going to force me to marry them. Not in this generation but oh boy, was I wrong.

Now, here I am. Lost and as broken as I was. I've been hiding it my whole life. Hiding the pain behind my smile just to see my grandmother smile so that just in case I become the witness of her death, I get to see her smile one last time.

To see my best friend happy. My coworkers, the people around me, to make a change in someone's life by simply offering them a smile and nice compliment. I've been like that my whole life hoping that one day I'll smile and be truly happy and I would mean that smile from the bottom of my heart.

I was waiting for it to happen. But, it never did and now I'm all alone. Once again, hiding my pain with a smile.

***

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