Teachers Tapestry

Fourteen

The voice I heard, I quickly recognised as miss Fairbournes voice.

But even with her light chuckle, i couldn't bring myself to play along. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her much less reply to her.

In any normal instance I would've joked back in some way but I was tired and sore.

I sniffled lightly and the large dog came and sat beside me on the floor.

"Hey, are you alright?" She questioned sitting beside me.

I quickly dried my tears and looked at her.

"Yeah, we really have to stop meeting like this." I forced out a short lived chuckle as tears fell from my eyes to wet my cheeks without my permission.

"I'm here. What's wrong." She asked me softly looking at my eyes placing a hand on my knee.

Tears fell more and I couldn't even stop them.

"Artemis up." She said quickly sliding down the bench creating space beside us.

Her dog, Artemis, climbed into the space and rested his head on my lap as he whimpered.

"He's a helper. Talk to him if you feel more comfortable." She said softly as I realised she was offering me a sort of comfort. "Artemis, quédate niño." She spoke and he whimpered again.
(Translation: stay boy.)

I stroked his head a couple time and my tears dried. Somehow ever so quick a massive dog helped to slow my tears and ground me slightly.

I wanted to say something and turned to her but she was already looking at me. She looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite pinpoint.

She patted Artemis's side twice and he jumped down and she slid back towards me. She placed a hand on my knee and I looked at her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"No. Don't be sorry. I'm here, talk to me." She whispered back just as softly.

I didn't say anything but a tear ran from my eye. She pulled me into a hug and I broke while she held me.

Her touch was soft and felt like I was in a bubble.

"I got you darling, I've got you." She whispered as my tears dried.

"I'm sorry, it's been a tough night." I said softly still in her arms.

"I know. It's been a tough week hasn't it?" She asked me.

"How'd you know?"

"I notice things. What's going on?" She asked pulling away to look at me.

"Nothing, sometimes it's easier to keep things to yourself. I just don't want to be a burden." I said softly.

"It might be easier but it gets harder. Tell me what's in your head. You're not a burden to me, darling." She said just as softly.

I didn't know whether or not I could say anything even if she just said I could.

I knew I should but would it be worth it? What would the benefit even be? She can't help me.

"A faultless body and a blameless mind." She whispered. "It's not your fault. You aren't to blame." She added looking between my eyes as it was trying to read me.

"What if it is?" I asked back at her and suddenly it felt like she knew exactly what I was talking about. There's no way she could know, but it felt like she did.

"It's not, I assure you it's not." She said.

"But why does it feel that way every time he's on top of me, when he tells me I look just like her as an excuse me. It feels like I'm to blame in all of this. And I'm sore, I'm really sore miss Fairbourne. And I'm tired. I don't want him to do it again. It hurts too much. Each time I feel like I'm just letting it happen because I can't stop him. I try and try to say something but it's no better than a whisper. Why do I feel at fault and blameless for it all? Why me?" I asked out.