lost cause | billie eilish

22 | there she is

- billie's pov -

"what are you writing?" finneas asked me.

i just shrugged. "just some bullshit."

he tilted his head. "can i see it?"

i sighed before handing him my journal.

"i don't wanna leave her now," he read. "i don't wanna leave her now."

he then rose his eyebrows and looked at me. "so this is obviously about saylor."

"really?" i tilted my head in sarcasm. "what makes you think that?"

he chuckled. "when was the last time you talked to her?"

"since our fight," i told him. "almost a fucking week ago."

"has she tried contacting you?" fin asked.

"yeah she tried for about 2 days and then i guess she gave up," i looked down.

"so you haven't checked on her since she fell?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "did they ever say what happened to her?"

"the team's social media accounts released a statement saying that she broke her ankle," i said, trying to hold back my sadness.

"oh billie," finneas sighed. "check on the girl for christ's sake. you know you miss her, just go talk to her."

"i just- i was just so hurt," i explained. "that was the first time she's done something like that."

"do you really think she's turning into her ex?" he asked. "i know you said you told her that."

"no," i shook my head. "that was her first time doing that. it scared me but that's not her, i know it's not."

"and since that was the first time then she has a time to fix it," he shrugged. "maybe suggest some therapy for her."

i sighed. "yeah, i guess you're right."

"all these lyrics you wrote down right here makes it clear that you still want her," he looked at me. "go get her, billie."

                                - saylor's pov -

"you wanna get out the house?" paige asked me as we sat outside. "i could drive us around."

i shook my head. "no thanks, you can though. don't stay cooped up in the house cause of me."

yes paige is still here, i don't even know how to feel about it. she has been applying for jobs so she's actually trying to get back on her feet.

maybe im allowing it because she's been cooking and cleaning for me. kinda weird but im not complaining since i don't have the mental and physical capacity to do it myself.

she's also just been waiting on my hand and foot, doing whatever i want/ need. it's almost like she's trying to makeup for all the times she fucked up in the past.

unfortunately nothing could ever makeup for that. 

"you want me to do your laundry today?" she asked.

"um sure," i shrugged. "it's all tatum's shit i been wearing so."

"where's your stuff?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

"um," i looked down and started playing with my finger nails. "at billie's."

"oh," she said, confused at the lack of context. "should i not ask?"

"no don't ask," i shook my head.

"gotcha," she nodded, sensing my sadness. "okay cmon let's get you out. we can go sit at the park or something."