her way ✰ (dallas winston x reader)

chapter 43 - don't give in

~your p.o.v~

I slammed the door open to the Curtis household and all eyes were immediately on me. I scanned the room and saw everyone sitting with worried expressions. It was no surprise, considering it was Friday and none of the boys had school or work to worry about tomorrow. Johnny looked scared out of his wits and Ponyboy seemed as if he had been crying. He was drenched. 

"Y/n, are you okay-" I cut Steve off. 

"Listen, I'm here for some fucking answers and that's what I intend on getting." I snapped, my voice shaking. 

"I called up Randy and apparently somebody in this room went off and slaughtered my brother!" I yelled. "So which one of you was it?" I clenched my fists tightly, my knuckles turning white. Everyone in the room went silent and just stared at me in shock.

"I did it." Johnny said, slowly standing up. My eyes widened and I felt tears fill my eyes.

"Why?" My voice cracked and I felt dizzy. I was shaking uncontrollably. I felt sick. 

Steve stood up from the couch and gently grabbed my arm, leading me over to the couch. I sat down, overcome by shock. 

"He was d-drowning Ponyboy, I had no choice..." He admitted, his voice shaking. I put my head in my hands, a sob passing my lips. 

"Fucking idiot!" I cried into my hands, stomping my feet and falling back into the couch. It probably was a sight to see. A sixteen year old girl throwing a fit like she was four years old. "He's dead. Bob's dead." I whispered.

"Y/n, I-I'm sorry." I looked up at Ponyboy and he had tears streaming down his face.

"It's not your fault. It's all my fault, he shouldn't have left the house after the wreck, I shoulda stopped him-" 

"Wait a minute, what wreck?" Dallas cut me off. I had barely noticed him leaning against the wall, watching all of this unfold. 

"Bob skipped school and said he'd pick me up. I got in the car and he lost it, starting yelling at me and everything. He was clearly drunk. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going. I yelled for him to look out and we swerved. We hit a pole head on and both of us were knocked out. Nothing too bad happened to us, we just had concussions." I explained. Dallas stayed quiet for a moment. It seemed like he was having a hard time processing what I had just told him.

"I'm gonna clean you up." Dallas finally spoke. I hesitated for a moment and he walked over, holding out his hand for me to grab.

I ended up giving in and I grabbed his hand, slowly standing up and following him to the bathroom. He shut the door and I sat on the counter, staying quiet. 

"I can tell you have a lot going on in your head." Dallas said after a while as he was reaching in the medicine cabinet for the first aid kit. I still didn't speak.

"Listen, I know it's hard-"

"I don't wanna be here, alright?" I snapped. He paused his actions.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Why the hell am I still here, huh? I dedicated my whole life to protecting my brother, and I failed. So what's the use of me being here, alive? Why am I alive when he doesn't get to be?" I gripped the edge of the counter tightly, my knuckles turning white. 

"Don't say that."

"Oh, don't speak the truth?" I scoffed.

"I know how easy it is to get caught up in the feelings your having, alright? To think you have no reason to be here anymore. You have a breakdown and it changes your whole world view. You don't know who to blame, so you blame the whole world and just decide it's safer to be cold to everything. Well, if you do that, if you go down that route you'll just turn out miserable. You'll turn out to be like me. A-and I know how easy it might seem to listen to those little voices in the back of your mind saying that you'd be better off gone, that you have no good reason to be here anymore. But you can't listen to them. You gotta fight it, because you wouldn't end any of this fucking pain you're dealing with. You'd just pass it on and that wouldn't do any good. I can't promise those little voices in the back of your head will go away any time soon, or ever. But if you fight hard enough, they won't be as loud. You just keep holding on, and you don't give in. You gotta prove those voices wrong. Prove em wrong, babe." He was looking me in the eyes and tightly gripping my forearms. I closed my eyes tightly, gripping his arms back.

"Okay, Dallas. I'll prove em wrong."