Pleasures and Pain ✔️

Chapter 30 - Proud

Lily Dornan

"I will."

"You'll what?" I asked in astonishment.

"I'm ready to marry you."

"What?" Amara's reaction.

"No way." Alec's stunned voice came.

"Shut up." Jess was the one to say this.

"I honestly, really, truly and heartily Love you." Nathan confessed.

I didn't speak anything simply because I was stunned.

Where did that come from?

Wait.

All the time Jess was right.

This man loves me.

He loves me.

How?

Since when?

Why?

Main problem : I don't love him.

When I left New York one thing I knew for sure was that after Carter, I couldn't love anyone.

I just can't.

You know sometimes someone fills your cracks in a way no one can even think of. Carter filled me with love and light. He gave me hope. He gave me confidence. He gave me respect and made me realise that I can be something.

He showed me my importance.

And I own that to him to never replace him.

I can't marry anyone.

"I can't." I said folding my hands to my chest.

"Please give me a chance, Lily." He pleaded.

"It's not about you. I can never love anyone ever the way I did Carter."

"Then don't. Don't love me. Just let me be there for you and for the child." Is he even in a correct state of mind?

"You can be there for me but as a friend. I can't do this cause if I agree I'll tie you to a lifeless relationship? I can't do that to you. This baby is mine and Carter's. I just can't."

"I really love you."

"STOP." I shouted and made my way to my room.

"Lil."

"Lily."

I heard them shout my name but I ignored them and made my way to my room. I locked the room and sat by a wall sobbing.

I hugged my knees and leaned by the nearby wall.

For the first time in two months I've cried. I had promised myself I wouldn't cry ever but I don't know why I just cried.

My time with Carter flashed in front of my mind in a series of photos.

The first meeting in the cafè, the talk at my home, shifting to the Pericoloso Mansion, ring shopping, our wedding, our honeymoon, meeting his mom and then my departure from the Mansion.

I pulled a photo out of I and Carter from under my pile of clothes in my closet. In the picture I and Carter were standing by the beach back in Santorini. Carter was holding me close to him and my head was rested on his chest. Wrapped in each other's arms we had our eyes closed and were looking so at peace.

A small girl though we were looking very cute and so clicked our picture. I later got it framed and kept it near my makeup table.

I sobbed more and more.

I was feeling very helpless. All I want now is to be wrapped in his arms. I want to take in his intoxicating smell. I want to rake my hands through his soft brown bangs. I want to get lost in his ocean blue eyes. I want to feel safe. I want to be with him.

I would give anything up just for his one glimpse.

All I want to do is go to New York and kiss the life out of him.

But I can't.

I can't ruin his life. When he has his happiness I can't be selfish and take that away from him.

I fell on my bed and hugged my pillow. I cried more and more. My emotions are in a turmoil because of these stupid pregnancy hormones.

Wait, whom am I kidding it's so difficult to even sleep at night without him that I even had a sleeping pillow.

I sobbed myself to sleep shortly. All the crying made me somehow tired.

.

.

.

.

"Wake Up Lily." Jessica said and I rubbed my face and opened my eyes shortly.

Jess was standing there with a tray of a plate full of cookies and a glass of cold milk in her hands.

"Thought you might be hungry." She handed me the tray and I ate without a word. I was hungry. I missed my lunch.

"Finish the whole glass of milk and please have some fruits or dry fruits after finishing the milk. Take these pill and please don't skip any of your meal no matter what. I don't want you to take any of the meals lightly. Okay?" She handed me two pills. Why is she acting like my mother? What happened?

"Okay Mom." I said emphasising the 'mom' in the sentence.

"Lily I'm just worried. You are carrying a life within you. You should be more careful from now." She kept a hand on my own.

I smiled and chugged the whole glass of milk down. I was so hungry I didn't knew. I finished the whole plate of cookies and a big glass of milk by myself. Guess being pregnant does that to you.

She smiled at me and took the tray with empty glass and plate away.

I kept the photo back in the closet. I checked the time. I slept for about two hours. Man was I tired. I do feel pretty refreshed after the small sleep surprisingly. I made my bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

I washed my face which had some drained tears left. I used a face wash and then rinsed. It relaxed me and then I had a quick bath. I wore my clothes and walked out.

I started collecting my files and admission document in a neat folder. Just then Jess walked in with a bowl full of fruits.

It contained apples, bananas, blue berries, kiwi and some oranges. She sprinkled some salt on it and passed me a fork along with the bowl.

I sat on the couch eating the fruits.

Jess kept the folder on my study and sat beside me.

"Why are you collecting your documents?" She questioned.

"I'm filing for my admission tomorrow. I'm officially joining college." I smiled and she hugged me.

"I'm so proud of you." She smiled at me which I gladly returned.