Make Me Softer // Billie Eilish

Chapter 7

Kai's POV

"Thank god everything went well" Billie mumbles as we sit outside on the lounge chairs, fireplace lit up to warm us up. "I didn't want you to freak out"

We had come back from doing the dirty work, which had gone surprisingly well and we'd decided to come outside to cool off for a while.

Both Jaden -of course she was snuggled up to Jax- and Rory were inside watching a movie when we arrived, and still are. I can't describe the look on Jaden's face when she realized nothing bad had happened to me and that made me think.

There's no way I'd be able to tell her if something did happen though, and maybe hiding it from her would be the only way to keep her safe.

"Yeah" I sigh and look up, meeting her eyes. "I'm glad we're here too"

"I was really scared at first too" she turns her head to look at me and leans forward, the blanket around her shoulders covering part of her legs now. "It's not like I had a choice but I learned the hard way anyway"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Depends" she shrugs and looks at me curiously before winking, making me shush her with a dumb smile on my face.

"How did you end up here?" I ask and notice how her breath hitches for a second but she quickly composes herself, blue eyes focusing on the fireplace again.

"I think it's only fair that I ask you a question too once I'm done answering this one" I nod, happy that she's actually decided to share such an important part of her life with me so I get ready to listen. I let my feet rest on the coffee table in front of us and grab the now forgotten blanket from the floor before draping it over my legs.

"I've been a runway orphan my entire life. I don't know exactly when it happened but Fin and I never had anyone that raised us or was there for us to teach us certain things, we learned everything ourselves. It took us three years to finally escape the orphanage we were in and two more until I found Seven. Before that we'd either sleep in the streets or the local church whenever it would get extremely cold. I was so tired of it and so determined to find something better for my brother that I somehow got myself into this. I remember seeing a random guy do it once and I thought I'd be able to handle it" she stops herself when her eyes well up with tears but she rubs them before any spill down her cheeks and decides to continue, voice hoarse.

"I clearly wasn't and Fin got so mad at me but I didn't understand because I was just trying to help. I decided to continue anyway because it was the only thing keeping us from starving to death and that's how Seven found me. He took us in and gave us everything we needed but Fin still wasn't okay with it. He refused to let me continue so one day we got into a pretty heavy fight and he told me he wanted to get some fresh air and left. That's the last day I saw him and never found the courage to look for him. Seven wouldn't even let me get out of the house on my own anyway. I feel like such a coward now"

Millions of thoughts start running through my head and I can't believe how strong this girl is. In retrospective, it wasn't really her fault, she just wanted to help. I don't think that deciding to stay and keep doing this was the right decision but here I was, doing the exact same thing. I couldn't really blame her, could I?

I extend my arms for her and feel my heart shatter even more when she shakes her head and looks away, clearly trying to avoid my gaze. Her shoulders shake slightly and my stomach twists uneasily as I grab the blanket and put it over her shoulders again, letting my hand rest on the small of her back.

"We'll find him" I whisper comfortingly, rubbing small circles on the fluffy fabric. She relaxes against me for a second before growing tense again, eyebrows knitted in confusion.