Constellations

Chapter 32

I finally caved. I was running out of excuses to avoid meeting Cath's mother so I was doing that tonight. I hated fooling more people with this lie but I didn't know what to do! I was feeling lost, phony and tired. For the last few months, I hadn't been getting much sleep. I had blamed O.W.L.s but I didn't have that excuse anymore.

I tugged helplessly at my tie before deciding to get rid of it. I looked in the mirror and ran my hands through my hair. I looked as much of a mess as I felt. In the reflection, I could see the bracelet Al had given me lying on my desk. I hadn't worn it in months since it had been a painful reminder of everything that I didn't have. I walked over to my desk and slipped the bracelet on, watching a small message form.

You've never needed beauty sleep but some sleep will help keep your wits about you.

When I smiled another message appeared.

I've always loved your smile and the way it lit up your beautiful blue eyes.

Tears filled my eyes and before I took off the bracelet one last message appeared.

I love you.

I couldn't take it. I was falling down the rabbit hole at this point so I pulled out my notebook from my closet that was glowing a soft blue. I opened it and read page after page of notes. The last one made my heartache. I slumped down onto my bed and started sobbing into my knees. I thought I could be strong but the weeks without him was lowering my resolve and I knew I couldn't lead Cath on anymore. I had to break up with her tonight.

****

I didn't know how much of the truth I should tell her. Breaking up with her was going to be bad enough, if I told her that I never actually liked her like that in the first place, she'd think I'm an awful person. Which at this point, was probably accurate. Though, I didn't want to hurt her more than I had to. Partial truth would have to do.

I knocked on her door, tugging anxiously at my collar. Cath answered the door with a smile and pulled me into a hug. She gave me a quick kiss and started pulling me into the door.

"Hey, Scorp! Come on in. Food's almost ready."

I dug my heels into the ground. "Wait. There's something that we should talk about first. Could we talk out here for a minute?"

Cath looked confused but she closed the door and stepped onto the porch. "Of course. What's up?"

I swallowed. "I've had a lot of fun with you in the past few months. You're a caring and intelligent person and you mean a lot to me." I took a deep breath. "But to be honest, I'm still in love with Albus."

"But you were the one that broke up with him," Cath looked more confused than upset.

"I know. The real reason I broke up with him was because I was afraid. Our relationship had an expiration date from the start and I didn't want to get too attached. There was just so much against us and..." I trailed off. "It's no excuse. I shouldn't have strung you along for as long as I did and I'm really sorry."