Depression?

23. I Miss Feeling In-Love

I miss feeling so in love,
I miss how it used to be.
I miss getting nervous when you were around,
And I miss how you treated me.

I lost those feelings but it's not all your fault
'Cause I know you didn't want that to change.
I guess it's just hard to treat someone well
When they treat you like You need to change.

I miss you so much and I want to go back,
To how it all used to be.
When I would freak out about being messaged
By the boy who I wanted to see.

I'm not saying that I don't love you still,
I'm just hurting by how different we've become.
I just wish so much that we could start over,
Because I want to give you everything, not just some.

I don't know what to do,
And I don't know how to make it work.
But please help me to do this,
And I'll try to stop being a jerk.

I complain a lot but I love you still,
And I didn't mean to make you feel like I don't care.
You mean the world to me and I'm so sorry,
That I was so blind to your pain and your fear.

You didn't complain much, so I didn't know,
Just how much things affected you.
But I'm starting to see and to understand,
That in problems you have more than a few.
I can see why you think that I'm so selfish,
It's about the way I treated you.
So no, I'm not mad about how you've reacted,
Because I see now, I really do.

So I don't know now what I'm meant to do,
And I just feel all anxious inside.
I'm really scared that I'm going to lose you,
And behind indifference I want to hide.

But I want to stop now, I don't want to hurt you.
I just want you to come back home.
I can't stop crying because I think you hate me,
And I hate being all alone.

I know there's something that you're going through
That's making you not want to come back.
But I have to tell you I really need you,
And in patience I really lack.

I'm not doing ok and
this time it's not my depression.
You're hurting me by being so far.
I can't handle this, you're my obsession.

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I'm starting to think that I have an issue with trying to get what I want too much. I can't stop pestering him - I need closure. He refuses to communicate with me and I have no idea what's going on. He's frustrating me so much, but deep down, I just want him to come home.