Savanna feels like there's nothing that can surprise her anymore after living in Riverdale. The town with pep certainly still has a few tricks up its sleeve including an anonymous camera man, a castle-school full of pretentious teenagers waiting to...
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Emotions are a hard piece of life to understand. You can't always predict them nor can you control them, but they're there and they're real. I hit an emotional crash really fast after seeing Jughead in Dilton's bunker. I expected it, too. I had been so built up of sorrow and despair and hurt from his so-called "death" to only find him alive shortly after. It was a whirlwind, and now, I was left to sit and try to recover from it.
I had separated myself from my friends and family with an uncontrolled rage towards everyone who knew. It was hard to let that go. In fact, I didn't know if I ever could. I felt so alone and betrayed that it was hard to think about anything except that.
Mocha whined at my feet to go out, pulling me from my long train of thought. I sighed and hopped off my bed to take him outside, still reeling over all of the ideas running through my mind. Life felt like a simulation at this point and my character needed some fuel to keep going and not crumble before the next level.
"Oh, so she lives," Felicity joked as she stood next to her apartment door. There was only one person I would speak to right now, and it was her. I rolled my eyes at her comment before moving to continue outside with Mocha.
"You know how I feel right now so don't even pull that card," I grumbled as she followed me down the steps. "I just want answers, but I'm not even capable of handling them so that's not an option either." I was frustrated with myself more than anything for letting my guard down and being vulnerable. I had done so much work to get myself back up off the ground and continue and all of that felt useless at this point.
Felicity had been really understanding, which I was so grateful for. She had taken the brute force of all of my anger and frustration when I sat on the floor and lost my shit for about two hours after leaving the bunker. She just sat and listened, and did the best thing she always does: told me to get up off the floor. Felicity didn't put up with my bullshit, which I loved and hated at the same time. She let me get everything out of my head, then she pulled me out of the hole I dug for myself and helped me fill it back in. Sometimes I needed a reality check, that was for sure, but I'm just glad she never got mad at me for having one.
"If you could do what you wanted, with no emotions attached, what would you do?"
"I'd leave," I blurted as I looked over at her. "I would walk over to Jughead's house, scream at him because he deserves it, and I would leave Riverdale and never look back."
"And because there are emotions attached?"
I groaned at her implication, "I'm gonna go talk to him anyway."
Felicity looked unamused by my response and crossed her arms as she watched me shuffle through the grass. "What are you gonna say?"
I paused in my movements as my shoulders sank. "I don't know," I answered honestly, "There's a lot I want to say, but at the same time, I have no clue what any of it is. I just don't get it. Why make such a big ploy to catch the Stonewall kids? Why not just leave the school? Why fake your death and a funeral and everything to your girlfriend of all people and just expect it to be okay?"
