Surreal

Chapter 18

Dear Carter,

If you find this, that means that for some reason I couldn't tell you this in person. I planned to tell you, then take this godforsaken note out of this box. But if you're reading this, that means I never got the chance.

Her name was Macy. Macy Carter. I haven't decided if she should have my last name or Alex's.

I hope I have this figured out before(/if) you read this letter. March 11th. I found out I was pregnant on March 11th. My due date is November 21st. I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out, but I couldn't. I'm sorry. Forgive me.

-Holland.

 

 

I wipe a tear and peal back the letter, exposing another one. Holland was pregnant, and she never told me. She died without telling me. She was going to name her child after me just like we had promised in middle school. My first daughter was supposed to be named Kallie Holland Mace.

But wait a second, when Holland died she wasn't showing her pregnancy? I start to read the next letter.

Dear Carter,

May 7th. I lost my baby. I was just starting to show. I was so close to telling you, then I fell. I wish I would've told you, but now you can't mourn with me. I told Alex, and he almost seemed relieved. What kind of man is relieved to hear their child died?

It's okay though. Macy is always with me. I'm sorry for not telling you. I will, eventually, but in case I don't, here's this letter.

I love you Carter.

-Holland.

 

 

I chuck the letters away as I try not to cry myself into hyperventilating. She's gone. Both of them, gone. Holland can never name a child after me. No memoir of Holland is going to be walking around in baby shoes at any time on this earth.

There's one more letter in the box, along with a baggie of what looks like ashes. What the hell?

Dear Carter,

Don't freak out, the ashes are the burned letter Dylan wrote you. Yes, I burned it. If you're looking for some motivation for breaking up with Dylan: He always chooses something over you. He never cares about he things are going to impact you. But if you want a reason to fight for him: the letter explained how stupid he was to leave without saying he loved you. And he did Carter, he really did love you. I've seen it for years I just couldn't tell you anything.

You two love each other. You've loved each other for years and this letter proves that he loves you back. He has always loved you back. Whether you guys are breaking up or making up, never lose that love. That love only comes around once in a lifetime.

Forever.

-Holland.

 

I knew I wasn't crazy. I grab the letter and the ashes.

Thank you Holland. You may not be here physically, but you're always here in spirit.

I have to tell Holland's mother about the baby. Well, maybe I should ask Alex first.

But first out of all those, I have to confront Dylan Mace.