Cigarettes and sunflowers

🏵Chapter 16🏵

!!TW!!
Panic attacks
Hospitals

(Harry's POV)

The hospital is not a fun place to be. The food is terrible, my nurse is kind of a bitch, there is nothing to do but sit on my phone all day, and now my family knows what I've been doing.
Fucking Bullshit. And I still don't even  know who brought me here. It's alright I guess because Liam and Niall have visited frequently in the two days i've been here.

I really am just ready to go home. I hate it here. Too much change in a short period of time I don't know how to cope with any of my anxieties let alone all of this. That's part of the reason I've been doing... that.

I've been tempted to text Louis but I don't know if I want to. He was really shitty to me and didn't even give me a reason. What did I do wrong? He probably found someone else, someone better, not some freak of a boy who dresses like a girl.

I'm awoken from my thoughts when the nurse walks in for a check up.

"How are you feeling? Is your stomach alright?" She asks, obviously tired and worn out. I don't blame her, it's midnight now and she's been taking care of people all day.

"I'm feeling a lot better actually, the stomach pains have decreased quite a bit." It's true, it doesn't feel like I'm being stabbed anymore so that's good. I still feel quite bad about eating though, eating all three meals, I feel fat. Disgusting.

So that's what I tell her. Whats the point in lying it'll only negatively affect me anyway, no matter how embarrassing it is. I just want this to be over.

"Alright well we are going to be able to send you home tomorrow but we are going to refer you to a therapist." Great. That makes me feel so much fucking better. I thought I was crazy before and now it's just confirmed.

I really just want all of this to be over. All of the anxiety, the horrible luck i seem to have, just everything.

~

I get home feeling more drained than ever. Spending so much time in a bed in a hospital with nothing to do, you would think all that rest would make me feel better or refreshed but it did quite the opposite. I really need to get out or I will lose my mind.

So I talked to mum and made plans to hang out with Liam and Niall, hoping it would make me feel better. We choose to go to that smoothie shop that seems like it could be a regular spot for us. It has quite a bit of potential, it's small, quiet and has really good smoothies and teas and milkshakes.

~

At the smoothie shop we talk about all the usual things, which is really just random things that we just kinda think about, and everything seems normal. For about twenty minutes.

They start acting weird, like they want to say something but are too scared to. I hate it. Everything is changing. I really just feel like crying, but it's not like I can just burst into tears in the middle of the shop.

Luckily i get a text message from someone, haven't checked yet, and am able to excuse myself from our small circular table.

I rush to the bathroom and almost burst into tears right there, but I remind myself that I've got a message. I unlock my phone and immediately regret it. It's from Louis. I don't want anything to do with him after how he avoided me at all costs for so long. He really treated me like shit.

Even though I know I shouldn't open the message, I do. My curiosity gets the best of me.

Harry, Baby, Princess, Angel, I am so so so so so so so sorry for how i've treated you I know I'm shit. I know my apology doesn't mean anything so if you could give me another chance i want to prove it to you. I want to prove how much I've missed you, how much I'm sorry. I will explain everything if you just give me another chance.

I bite my lip in deep thought. What he did was really shitty, but maybe I should give him a second chance. Am I being too forgiving?

My thoughts stop when I taste blood in my mouth. I've been chewing at my lip so much that it's started to bleed. I step over to the mirror and see the tears streaking down my face that went unnoticed. I look like shit. My lip bleeding profusely and the sight of tears makes me cry harder.

I flinch when I feel strong arms wrap around my shoulders. The person pulls me into their chest and I tense up, not knowing who it is. I take a deep breath and recognize the smell. it's Liam. Once I know that it's him I sob into his chest, grabbing at his shirt which is definitely soaked in tears now.

I hear faint soothing whispers that I can make out over my loud, shaking sobs, and drift off.

~

I'm getting really sick of this. I'm tired of blacking out whenever I have a breakdown. I just want to be normal.

(Louis POV)

I send the message and take a long drag of the cigarette in between my fingers. I don't think he will forgive me and honestly I don't blame him. I'm shit. But at the end of the day it's worth a shot, this does scare me, like a lot.

I've never felt connected with someone like this and I don't like how it's happened in such a short time. It's nothing that I expected. But no matter how scary I just want him so bad.

☁️
End of chapter 16
I'm sorry this chapter was so short and just not good some things happened in my personal life and it has been hard to cope with and hard to write but I hope you like this chapter and have an amazing day love yous
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

- Bee 🍌