Alana is torn between two men.
Two men who hate each other.
Two men who want her.
Two men who lie so the other wouldn't have her.
Wanting to live a simple life doesn't go as planned anymore. A flame that has been burning for the past seven years...
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✨It's simple. I am happy when I'm with you✨
I couldn't sleep all night.
Right after he walked upstairs, I walked inside the apartment and right into my room with an excuse that I was coming down with a headache. Zara was a little bummed about not getting her drink but she didn't say anything.
Late at night, they came to my room to check on me but I pretended I was asleep. So Zara left right after that and Jade went to sleep. I didn't come out of my room. Even texted Harvey that I couldn't come to work because I had a fever.
Another lie.
The next day Jade tried to check up on me but I pretended to sleep again. And she asked me if I was getting up for work or not, I made my voice sound groggy and said "No, I'm not feeling too well. I think the pizza got to me last night." Even though she knew I was lying, she didn't call me out. Just squeezed me into a hug and walked out with her heels clicking. And then I was all alone. For hours. I didn't get up or brushed my teeth or even ate. Not until it was 3 PM that I made myself get out of bed.
I've never felt like this. Ever. Confused about men that want me. My whole life, I've survived on having crushes. That's it. The one guy that showed interest in me in college turned out to be a verbal abuser. He always made me feel like crap. I don't wanna play the victim but I can't help but think that I am one right now. I'm not looking for someone to call me beautiful all the time or tell me how much they love me 24/7 or be clingy. I just need a man who would smile at me genuinely and tell me that he is happy with me. That's it.
Why can't the world just be simple? Is it that hard?
What I went through with Rick-in college- was the worst thing in my life. I felt like crap for those seven months. Those months were my lowest. I cried every single time in the shower. I even stopped going out. And whenever Rick wanted me to go out with him, I'd make an excuse. Sometimes it did work and sometimes it pissed him off that he would drag me out of the apartment just to go out with him to meet his friends.
Am I being too sensitive?
I hate the impact Nicklaus has on me. I should not react to his touch or his words. But when he's close to me, all my senses stop working. This is wrong on so many damn levels. Why do I have feelings for a guy that ignores me? I hate myself even more for having his touch imprinted in my mind. It's like I could still feel his hands- what they did and how they moved. How his fingers played.
Stop it, Alana.
Harvey... what can I say about him? He's a ball of sunshine to me. I never thought a man like him- gorgeous, kind, and caring- would ever show interest in me. He confessed his love to me. And I loved every minute of it. He's someone I want to be in a relationship with. He's someone that makes me smile genuinely at him and tell him that I'm happy when we're together.
