Only with you

The feeling of love

An: Sorry I have not updated in a little bit I've had to figure out what to write. In this chapter look out for signs of manipulation ;) and I hope you enjoy it! Please remember to vote if you enjoyed this!

Love, you haven't talked to me in forever, are you Okay? Another text lights up my phone, reminding me to text the secret guy back.

It seems odd now. To talk to him while Hayden and I are dating. Maybe I should tell him? Or is that too weird, but honestly, I've never been that secretive with him anyways.

Sorry, I recently got a boyfriend so I've been super busy! I text back after contemplating for a while. Dots and a read at 3:43 pm tag at the bottom appear as well.

Turning off my phone I picked up the book I was reading again, trying to distract myself from my thoughts. Did I make him angry? I was honestly just trying to update him on my life because I had gotten a boyfriend.

He is my boyfriend, right?

I think we are, but that's beside the point. I think I've fallen in love with Hayden. We've been together for about three weeks now. Were still sneaking around because he doesn't want Rune to find out.

I still think it's quite odd. Because no one at school could know, Rune couldn't know, not even Alica can know. It makes me special to him though. That I'm the one who was chosen to be his little secret.

Hayden and Rune are getting home late tonight because Hayden has band practice and Rune is going out with some scholarship people? I honestly don't know but I wait around anxiously for them to come home.

When I hear the door downstairs slam and someone comes running up the stairs. I assume it's Hayden but it's Alicha. She runs in and jumps onto my bed with me.

We put on Friends as background noise as we talked. We talked about random things such as how school is going, how much we hated some teachers, and finally she and Rune. "I'm sorry I am. I should've asked you before getting together with him-" she continues rambling but I pull her into a hug.

"You make him the happiest that he has ever been." My eyes water as I speak. "I hope you are committed to this and you are happy because I know he is." After saying this there was a moment of silence. We were both crying and holding each other. Not because we were sad but because it was of happiness for her and comfort.

We lay there for a few minutes just holding onto each other basking in the warmth and comfort we feel with each other. After a few minutes, I hear the door shut downstairs so I know Rune and Hayden are home. They both come upstairs and Rune opens the door and his face drops slightly. As if we were doing something and I look over at heating to see the slide grin growing on his face.

Alisha wipes off her tears and smiles at Rune. I can feel myself beaming with joy as they look at each other. I hope to one day have this effect on people with Hayden.

Pretty soon after Alisha and Rune left, leaving this silent feeling of overwhelming happiness. Hayden lays down next to me, allowing me to rest my head on his chest as he plays with my hair. "Do think we'll ever be like them?" I say so breathlessly that it's almost silent.

"We have our kind of love, one that no else besides each other will ever understand." He says this voice coated with honey.

He stayed that night, he never sleeps over in the chance that someone would catch us. But last night and this morning were different. I got to see Hayden first thing in the morning when I open my eyes. Sees the morning sun illuminating his shirtless back as he sleeps.

I try to quietly stand up and get out of bed but without rolling over Hayden's arm wrapped around my thighs pulling me back onto the bed with him. I giggle and try to squirm out of his grasp but my attempts are in vain.

He turns over with a small smile on the corner of his mouth, "where do you think you're going?" He asked placing a firm and slow kiss on my lips. When he tries to go in for another one I put the poem in my hand over his lips."absolutely not morning breath." That makes his eyes shine rather than laugh. That's one thing I've noticed about him. He hardly ever laughed but you can tell he thinks something funny because it always has a light sparkle in them.

" hey, so I have to go back to my house today. I haven't seen my mom in a few days and I had to make sure my dad is still alive at least." I shutter the remembrance of his dad. I still haven't told him what he did I feel like I should. I also still feel as though it's my fault in some way. Or that he'll look at me with complete disgust knowing that I allowed him to do that to me.

I brush off the feeling then of wanting to tell him. I'm too afraid to shameful. It's just not the right time.

"Hey are you alright," he didn't ask pushing my hair behind my ear. I just shake my head and put on a fake smile. Although it feels weary it seems convincing enough. "Yeah just nervous that Rune going to come in and see us," I lie.

Picking up Hayden's large t-shirt off of the floor and putting it on, Hayden gives me a look I don't believe I've seen before. Just pure adoration.

I kiss him quickly and rush off to the bathroom, pulling out my phone to text unknown saying, How do you know you are in love? Have you ever been in love?  Have you ever been raped?

The text just fires through my fingers, one after another. I honestly don't expect him to answer any of these but it's questions that needed to be asked, whether or not they were answered.

I calm down from this rush after a few minutes and I realize that Hayden probably has some questions, but instead he's just staring at his phone. Gripping it so tightly that his knuckles have gone numb. I slowly walk towards him and the floorboard squeaks, making him look up at me. 

He visibly relaxes but when I try to see what he was looking at that made him so angry he just shuts off his phone and pulls me into his arms. He places small kisses down from the top of my head to the tip of my ear. 

After breathing me in for a few minutes he says, "you know you can tell me anything. I will always protect you." Oh shit what does he know? I start panicking but I'm trying my best to remain calm on the outside. My eyes start to water as I suppress more and more. 

I know they're in the same band together. What if he told Hayden?  "I know I'm okay though don't worry," I attempt to go in for a quick kiss but he interrupts me, "of course, i worry about you. You're mine and we can't tell everyone that, and it fucking kills me." he brushes a piece of hair out of my face. 

A soft smile arises on my face when he says that. Sometimes I doubt if he feels the same about me as I do about him, but when he says things like this it suppresses those feelings.

I slide into his lap, kissing up to his neck slowly. He lets out a small groan and tries pushing me off his lap. "Ser you have to stop-gods you have to stop," he says but continues pulling me close and pushing me away. As if he's fighting a battle but it's only with him.

I could feel the question arising in me. Something that I had been wanting to ask for a long time. "Why is it that you seemingly hate everyone else but are soft with me?" Asking that felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

"Because Only with you I feel at home."

8 words, 29 letters, something that I will never forget.

I realize now that he's waiting for me to do something, anything. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him slowly. As if we have all the time in the world. Because at this moment we do. Time has stopped ticking, the world has stopped spinning, just for us. 

After a few minutes, I breathlessly say, "Are you going to Tim's party tonight?" He raises his eyebrow at me, "you Seraphina Vesper want to go to a party? I didn't know that was in your vocabulary," he jokes. 

I punch him in the arm, "you are so annoying! Alright I know how to party, now are you going or not?" "I'm not going anywhere without you love," He says smiling.