Only with you

Leaving and growing up

If you would've told be eight months ago that i would be walking down the sidewalk in late winter from a party that i went to. Because who i believed to be the love of my life turned out to not love me but use me for a bet, who also happens to be my brother's best friend. I would've most likely laughed in your face then hit you.

I continue rubbing my arms to keep warm, but it provides no relief to the harsh winds. Multiple cars pass me by, but I assume no one will stop for me because of how heavily it is starting to snow. My feet hurt so bad in my heels but i would rather have sore feet than frostbitten feet. Only seven minutes left. I can do this, i have to do this.

I see a cars headlights heading towards me, so i try to speed up but continue to wince from the pain. I hear a voice call out, "Oh my god Seraphina is that you?" I can't see her face but it's safe to assume it's Alisha.

I quickly pull off my heels, accepting the fate of the cold on my feet as i run to the car. Quickly jumping inside i feel the blast of hot air and allow myself to relax for just a second. She drives on not asking any questions but i know she want's to. My hair is probably all over the place and my makeup has run down my face from how hard i cried. I brush off any remaining frozen tears or snow, enjoying the silence before any questions.

After what feels like only a second we pull into my driveway. I see another car there, and it's not Hayden or Rune's. It's my mother's car. We don't know what to say to each other in this moment, we just stare at each other for awhile, building up our courage. My mom is definitely not my favorite person, but right now i can think of a few people that are worse than her.

When we walk in the door, you can one hundred present tell that she's home. Her business papers are covering the counter, but the rest is spotless. Once we get into the kitchen she immediately closes her laptop and looks up at us. She quicky gets up and hugs us tightly, "oh my goodness honey are you alright? Hi Alisha how are you sweetheart? But Seraphina baby what happened to you." She grabs my face and tries to examen it but i push her away. "Hi mom why are you home?"

She looks appalled at my question, but she came home out of nowhere, no text, no call, nothing. "Well that's rude you couldn't be any kinder to your mother. I mean after all we haven't see each other in person for five months." I love that shes saying this like it wasn't her choice not to see us. "Well hello mom nice to see you, sorry you've been busy building a business empire in Europe." Her face twists in a way that you can tell that she wants to say something, but she decides against it because she knows i'm right.

She lets out a small hhmh sound and brushes her already clean clothes, "go take a shower, you look disgusting and you smell like booze." That's my great mother for you, she cares for only a second. And it doesn't help to tell her when she does care, because she will just twist it into some lecture about how bad guys like my father are.

I start heading upstairs, forgetting about Alisha, "hey i'm just going to head home," she calls up the stairs to me. I don't answer her because i'm already enjoying the steam of the shower. That's one of my favorite things in life, the warm air before/after you shower.

Once the water is warm enough to get in i sit down on the floor of my shower and just lay there as the water gets hotter and hotter. Why wasn't i enough for him? How did i allow myself to get played by him? When did his trap of lies and manipulation start? I'm not sure how long i laid there, feeling my skin burn off my body, but no matter how long it was, i loved it.

I dry off and crawl into bed for the night. Not picking up my book before bed for the first time in years. I squirm around in my bed, trying to get comfy. But it's not use, i'm way to restless, too many things to think about. All of it, replaying in my mind, over and over again. "You what? You thought i loved you?" That's the one i can never shake. Because yes, i really did believe that he loved me.